


Lie To Me

by wayfmuke98



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: BoyxBoy, Cake, Calum Hood/Luke Hemmings - Freeform, Cheater, Cute, Fluff, Gay, Heartbreak, Heartbroken calum, Michael Clifford/ Calum Hood - Freeform, Michael is a cheater, Sad, malum, slight depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 24,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29546589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayfmuke98/pseuds/wayfmuke98
Summary: Calum's head over heels for his boyfriend Michael. The two have been loving each other since high school but now Calum has been away for a while and can sense the emotional distance between them.Michael stopped coming home from work and smells of another mans cologne. Calum was a coward; he just wanted a little bit of Michael's heart.But that becomes impossible when he starts losing control of his emotions and meets a pretty blue eyed boy named Luke.orMichael just doesn't love Calum anymore and Calum doesn't know how to deal with it.This story is also on wattpad. You can find me as wayfmuke98.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood, Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some errors may occur throughout this book.

It was cold. Like it always was. Inside the airport may have been warm but not outside so Calum tugged on his hood. He lugged his luggage and stood outside waiting for him. 

His boyfriend.

Calum had loved the man dearly and knew his boyfriend loved him too. After all these months away, Calum was ecstatic to see him. To touch him, hold him and kiss him. See him smile and hear him laugh, his light, airy chuckle that made Calum's stomach feel funny. To touch his skin and feel those soft lips against his own. God, he had really missed Michael.

Michael had promised to come pick Calum up and now the boy stood on his toes, keeping an eye out for him. The stars were twinkling above him, scattered on the bed of ink and Calum smiled. Everything was making him happy today. 

He took a quick glance at his watch, Michael was an hour late.

That wasn't like him.

Sighing, the dark haired boy pulled out his phone and smiled fondly at his lockscreen.

It was Michael.

He was so beautiful and funny. Michael was Calum's world. Calum loved him with all his heart, he had never loved someone so much and so freely and here he was still falling straight into Michael's arms without hesitating because Michael had always been there. Always loved him.

Calum sent his boyfriend a message asking where he was. The dark haired boy waited for an answer but didn't receive one, maybe Michael forgot?

He sighed and called for a taxi. The driver wasn't friendly but Calum didn't blame him. It was near midnight and the drive would be long.

Nothing had changed. Same sky, same view. It was comforting. Calum missed this.

His mind wandered to his boyfriend and how excited he would be when he'd see Calum.

Calum couldn't wait to kiss him.

***

The tanned boy woke up to a nudge on his knee and heard an embarrassed cough. He blushed pink, "Sorry."

The driver shrugged it off, "Don't worry about it. Need a help with your bags?"

"Yes, if you don't mind. Thanks mate."

Calum smiled and took some bags out of the car. He looked fondly at their home; it had been ages. He could feel the butterflies flutter delicately in his stomach; he had been counting down the days till he got home since he had left.

The driver was kind and had driven him a long way during the late hours of the night. Even if it was his job, Calum still thought it was incredibly nice of him. So when he payed, he gave a generous tip.

He watched the big, black car drive off and disappear and then turned back around. The small smile on his lips never leaving as he reached into his pockets, fumbling around until he finally gripped the key.

He could still remember Michael's pale skin under his hands and his green eyes shine with happiness. Calum hadn't forgotten anything about Michael, the way his eyes creased at the edges or how his lips always looked insanely pink against his skin. Last time Calum had seen it, Michael's hair was green. He couldn't wait to see if it was still the same.

Stepping in, Calum noticed nothing had changed. The same small table was in the hallway holding the same succulent and tray where the two would leave their keys and other little things like scrap paper which held their messy shopping lists or little notes to each other. But it didn't smell like Michael's cologne like he had imagined it to have, maybe it was a new perfume?

Calum glanced down at his phone, it was way past two. Michael must have fallen asleep. The image of him curled up under their blankets made Calum's heart race and he decided to drop his bags I n the hallway. He was eager to see his boyfriend and he may have been jet lagged too. 

Calum ran a hand through his knotted curls and sighed. He walked upstairs, his feet instantly knowing which steps to avoid to stop them creaking and he smiled in triumph when he had made it. He walked down the corridor, noticing that the door to their bedroom was ajar. Light leaking into their room, just like it always did. Michael had always been slightly scared of the dark.

Calum smiled to himself and walked in, making sure to leave the door how it had been when he saw it. He walked towards their cupboard realising just how much he had missed being home. He grabbed the first t-shirt and pants he saw and quickly changed into them. His old hoodie and jeans lay crumpled on the floor. Calum would deal with them tomorrow, he just wanted to get into bed. 

Calum's side of the bed was slightly warm but he didn't question it, Michael must have rolled over. 

He pushed the thoughts away and looked at his lover. Under the moonlight, he was even more fragile and beautiful. Pink lips in a slight pout and thick lashes rested on the soft skin of his cheeks. The tired boy reached out to caress Michael's hair. It was black now; Calum couldn't wait to see it properly in the morning. He already knew it'd look stunning. 

The Maori reached over and pulled Michael towards him. His hands curved to wrap around Michael's waist and pull him closer, the pale boys warmth enveloping Calum and he smiled contently. Normally, Michael would turned to snuggle into Calum's chest but today he hadn't and Calum tried hard to push his thoughts away. He had been gone for a while, Michael must have had gotten used to Calum's absence in bed. 

Nevertheless, Calum rested his head in the crook of Michael's neck and savoured the sense of home the sleeping boy gave him. Calum hadn't done this in months; hadn't felt Michael so close to him as he slept. 

He didn't want anything to ruin this moment of bliss so he closed his eyes shut; forcing himself to ignore the smell of someone else's cologne.


	2. Chapter 2

Calum woke up with a groan. His body stretched out, under the warm covers and he yawned. Slowly, he opened his dark eyes and was surprised and maybe slightly sad that Michael wasn't there. 

He let his eyes travel around the room and he frowned; all his journals were missing, the walls were empty of his achievements and the stuffed bear he had given Michael on their first date when they were teenagers was missing. 

Calum still felt tired and jet lagged, he had nothing to do today so he got up to brush his teeth. And then he slipped back into bed, feeling slightly better.

"Oh you're up."

Calum looked over, his lips spreading into a smile upon seeing Michael. The black haired boy had on some sweatpants and a white t-shirt. His hair was a fluffy mess and Calum found it adorable. 

"I missed you so much." Calum said quietly and held out his arms. Michael walked over to Calum and fell into them making the tanned boy sigh. He held Michael close, "How have you been?"

Calum and Michael had Skyped every day and sent messages every hour of the day but as the months went on. Michael had seemed more busy and stopped messaging. Calum understood that he also had a life and was busy at work but Michael never seemed happy whenever they did manage to call. 

The brown eyed boy looked at his boyfriend, trying hard to decipher what he was feeling. He had been able to do it all his life but now, he was lost. Michael seemed so different, so closed off and Calum hated it. 

Slight fear tugged at Calum's heart, he didn't know what to do. He smiled at Michael, not wanting to let the boy know he was scared. 

"I'm fine." Michael said quickly. The smaller boy looked over at Calum something flicked through his green eyes and Calum didn't know what it was. The pale boy pushed Calum down onto the bed and lay over him.

"I missed you too." He whispered. His voice was small and quiet and Calum didn't know if he had heard the truth in his words. He stroked Michael's hair, "Black, huh?"

The boy nodded, his green eyes travelling over Calum's face watching how his eyes had softened. "You look amazing baby, like always."

Michael smiled and Calum pecked his lips.

"It was so fucking boring without you." The Maori admitted and Michael's eyebrows raised. " You didn't make any friends?"

"I was just waiting till I could see you again. Of course I had my friends from work but they don't compare to you."

His green eyes clouded over and Calum poked his cheek, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Normally. Michael would frown and pinch Calum's cheeks but this time was different. He moved away from Calum's touch like he was a foreigner and then realised his mistake. Calum wanted to hold his boyfriend close and ask him what was troubling him. He wanted to know what had changed his boyfriend.

Calum pushed his thoughts away when he felt a familiar finger on his collarbones, tracing the tattoos on his skin. 

Michael smiled at him and like always Calum smiled back; he loved when Michael did that. 

The green eyed boy leaned in connecting their lips and Calum kissed him hungrily. His fingers gripped Michael's hips as he pulled his boyfriend closer. Michael's hands moved to tug at Calum's thick curls and he flipped them over so Michael was under him.

Calum's fingers found their way under Michael's shirt and he traced the skin on his hips. Waiting to hear his laughter as he pulled away, Michael had always been ticklish there. Calum loved messing with him, kissing him there or touching him or giving him love bites but today Michael didn't react. He just kept kissing Calum like this wasn't a moment where they shared love. Michael suddenly felt like a stranger and Calum pulled back frowning. 

This wasn't them. This wasn't who Michael and Calum were.

The pair had always been open books. Letting each other read themselves and tending to one another's sad parts. They went through life together and now it seemed like Calum was a hundred pages behind. Confused and forgotten.

The Maori boy pulled away, stroking Michael's hair softly and pecking him at the corner of his lips. "Do you not want this? We can stop. I don't mind, I love you."

Michael's lips were red and puffy and his breaths short. But Calum saw the absence of light in his eyes.

There was no love here.

Michael's body may be reacting but his mind wasn't. Calum felt like crying when Michael insisted on having sex. 

Sex.

Michael and Calum loved each other, the pair had always disliked calling it sex when it was something much more than that.

Michael had changed whilst Calum was gone, both boys knew it. But Calum was still so determined that the old Michael was still alive.

Maybe he was but now he'd had a taste of something different. Something that had ripped off his facade and revealed Michael for who he was and Calum wouldn't be able to wrap his mind around it. No matter how hard he tried.

The pale boy frowned slightly at Calum's words, telling him that he did want this. And then he kissed Calum eagerly, like he really did want it. He whispered how much he loved Calum and missed him, how much he needed him and Calum couldn't bring himself to stop.

Calum kept hoping he could feel it. Feel the love that he had always felt but with each action, Michael reacted differently. Like he wanted something else. Something Calum couldn't give.

"I love you." Calum panted kissing Michael everywhere he could, leaving his trace. "I love you so fucking much."

Michael's moans were making Calum go crazy and he fell beside the boy, pulling him closer and cuddling him. Calum wished that Michael would talk. Tell him something- anything, just so he knew that the boy was here with him in the moment but Michael got up. Saying that he needed to shower quickly so he could get some work done. 

In between the cold sheets, Calum had never felt so alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Calum froze at the sight of Michael dressed up in his black skinny jeans and snap back. "Going out?" He asked quietly and the green eyed boy nodded. 

"I was hoping to spend the day with you." Calum confessed. Michael sighed and placed his hand on the handle of the door, "I'm sorry, I had plans before."

Calum ignored the uneasiness in his gut as he walked towards the dark haired boy and held him close, kissing his forehead. "That's alright, don't let me stop you. Have fun, I love you."

Michael left wordlessly: Calum was drowning in the silence. He yearned to feel loved, to hear all the right words and be protected in the arms of his lover. The empty silence made it easier for the words in Calum's mind to be heard. He couldn't deal with it.

Calum didn't even receive any kisses to help himself pretend that things were okay.

The devastated boy trudged into the main room and switched on the TV to distract himself from his heartbreak. He was too tired and too sad to get dressed and ready for the day. The soft sounds of the TV soon turned into white noise as Calum was too caught up in his own mind. 

A sudden knock on the door distracted him and his heart rate picked up as the thought of it being Michael occurred to Calum. Maybe he changed his mind?

The tanned boy rushed to the door opening it with a smile but he was met with a pair of blue eyes. They were big and shiny and there was a pretty smile to go with it.

The boy blushed when he noticed that Calum was shirtless and Calum chuckled to himself, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "Sorry about that."

"No, it's okay. Umm, my friend and I moved here a few weeks ago and we never really got to meet our neighbours. I just came to introduce myself." The boy held out hand and Calum shook it with a smile.

"I'm Calum Hood." He introduced himself with a grin and they let go of each other's hands. The blond putting his back into his jean pocket. 

"Luke Hemmings, and my friend who is back at the house is Ashton Irwin."

"Come in." Calum requested, he stepped to the side allowing the shy boy to come in. The blue eyed boy took small, hesitant steps as he followed Calum to the main room and took a seat on the couch, opposite him.

"So," Calum began, "Why'd you move here Luke?"

"There's not really any reason." He said softly, "Ash and I wanted a fresh start and we just liked the area. How long have you been here?"

"A few years."

"Do you live with a friend? Because I know I saw a guy come in here last night." Luke's voice was sweet and polite and Calum felt much better with the new boys presence than he did with the taunting memories of Michael dancing through his mind.

Calum bit his lip, not wanting to talk abut Michael right now. He loved Michael. His boyfriend never did cease to make him happy but things were different now. Calum was still foreign to the change in their relationship and he could only hope that things would be okay again. He really wanted that.

"He's my boyfriend. His name's Michael."

"Boyfriend?" Luke asked in slight shock. Calum saw the way his eyes widened and he cringed, "Yeah I'm gay. Out and proud. If you don't accept that then I'm sorry."

The blond shook his head, cheeks red and blue eyes flitting around. "N-no that's not how I meant to come across." He rubbed his hands awkwardly, "Urgh, I-I'm gay too actually." 

Calum looked at Luke in surprise. He had never had a gay neighbour before. Calum knew it was wrong to judge people but looking at the boy, you wouldn't think him to be gay. He was tall and skinny with bright blue eyes and soft looking hair. He could have anyone on their knees.

"Is there anything wrong?" Calum asked, noticing that Luke was stuttering over his words. The blond shook his thoughts away. "No. When did you get together? If you don't mind me asking."

"Not at all." Calum said smiling, "We've been a couple since high school."

Luke raised his eyebrows in surprise; Calum was used to it. Most people were shocked when they heard that.

"Wow. He must be really special."

The tanned boy nodded to himself chuckling, "He's a work of art."

He noticed that Luke had more to say but he kept quiet and Calum didn't want to intrude and make him uncomfortable.

"I should get going. Ashton's making dinner today, he'll be mad if I'm late."

Luke got up and Calum did too, leading him to the front door.

"It was nice meeting you." Calum said kindly.

The blue eyed boy smiled at his neighbour, "Same here. It's nice to have someone to talk to in your neighbourhood."

"Do you want my number? I know how hard it is in a new area with no one to help." Calum offered politely making Luke smile widely.

"That'd be really nice. Thank you," He hesitated, "Calum."

"I don't bite you know." Calum teased making Luke's cheeks flush a light pink.

Calum walked back inside, throwing himself on to couch. Luke was nice. He was glad Michael and him had nice neighbours. The dark haired boy pulled out his phone and saw that Michael had messaged him. He frowned as his eyes ran over the words. Michael was staying over at a friend's house. 

Calum wanted Michael to come home, so they could cuddle and eat junk food whilst watching a lot of movies. Calum just wanted Michael back in his arms but he it wasn't possible tonight so he wrote back to his boyfriend telling him to enjoy himself and to take care.

The tanned boy threw his phone onto the couch beside him and he hid face in a pillow. He really hoped Michael was at a friends house.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Calum woke up all alone in an empty bed and an even emptier home. He forced himself up, not really finding the will to do anything these days. He brushed his teeth and hair and quickly got dressed for the day.

Whilst eating breakfast, he noticed that Michael hadn't checked his messages from the night before. Calum ran a hand down his face and sighed, he got up and cleaned his dishes.

All those months away, Calum might have been lonely but inside in his heart he never felt alone because he knew somewhere, Michael was missing him and loving him.

Yes, despite spending his evenings in crowded rooms, Calum had felt lonely but now that he was all by himself, he realised what it truly felt like to be alone. He at least had the presence of people to keep himself busy and distracted and the reassurance of a lover to keep him happy but now that he had neither of those he really hated it.

Calum didn't know what to do, he realised how much of a toll this relationship had on him. He had nobody, he was stuck. He felt stranded on an island; with a million resources to help him but not knowing how to use a single one. 

Calum had no idea what to do to spend his spare time, he had no one to talk to. No friends, or family. He hated this so much. 

The Maori messaged his boyfriend, letting him know that he was making Michael's favourite for lunch. He told him he loved him- like always -and asked if they could maybe go out for dinner because they hadn't done so in ages. 

Calum gathered all the ingredients to make Michael's favourite food. Calum settled on making the pizza first before moving onto the pasta. He knew Michael absolutely loved Calum's pasta but the green eyed boys most favourite food in the whole world was pizza so of course Calum would make it for him. 

Calum smiled to himself as he cooked, he could just see the big smile on Michael's face as he walked in and saw the table full of food. Calum just wanted to make Michael happy, that's all he's ever really wanted.

Everything was perfect and ready. Calum had set the table and had also gone out to get some roses. He arrived home in time to put on a smart shirt with his black jeans but minutes soon turned into hours.

He sat, slouching on the dining table. Fingers fumbling with the petals on one of the roses. Calum had been so lost in his own thought, he hadn't realised he had pricked himself on a small thorn right at the top of the flower. He bled slightly but he didn't bother to care for it as he wiped his blood on the dark material of his jeans.

Michael still wasn't here.

The sad boy watched as the food he had spent hours on grew cold. The blood leaking from his cut hadn't stopped and the roses were getting limp in their vase. Calum glared at the crimson flowers and grabbed the vase, tossing it to to ground. 

The fragments of glass went everywhere and the petals from the flowers flew around, gracefully landing on top of the crystal like glass. His dark eyed watered and the lonely boy quickly wiped the tears away. He was hot, agitated and angry, so he unbuttoned his shirt letting himself breathe.

"Calum?" A soft voice was heard through the hallway.

Calum raised his head at the voice, he stood up walking towards the sound not caring about the glass he could be treading on. Michael stood there, in the hallway. Flushed cheeks and a huge smile that disappeared when his eyes landed on the mess of a boy.

"What's wrong?" He asked, eyeing the slight blood on Calum's hand and his overall state.

"I made lunch, you're favourite."

"Oh."

Realization seemed to sink in and then Michael sighed, green eyes full of guilt, "I'm so sorry."

Calum shrugged it off and walked up to him, holding the boy delicately to himself. He leaned down, hiding his face in Michael's neck and breathing in deeply. 

"Can we just go to bed for a bit?" 

"Okay." Michael said simply, irritating the other boy. Lately, he never had anything to say. The couple never spoke anymore or debated on topics they enjoyed. Lately, all it felt like they were doing was grow apart.

The two lay together in their room, comfortably in their bed. For a moment, it felt like how it used to be. Calum was placing little kisses on Michael's jaw making the dark haired boy giggle. Michael's small giggles and smiles made Calum's heart race.

"Can I take you out for dinner tonight?" Calum asked but his heart sunk when seeing his boyfriend frown.

"Please?" He pleaded and the younger looked at Calum sighing. "Sure."

They spent the rest of their time in bed until Michael got bored and wanted to do something. Calum put on a film at Michael's request but the other boy was on his phone the whole time not noticing how sad Calum's eyes were.

He watched his boyfriend carry on typing, the smile on his face made Calum want to cry.

Calum hadn't seen him smile like that since he came back. He was jealous that he wasn't the one making Michael happy.

"Who are you messaging?" He asked already anticipating the vague answer he'd get.

"Just a friend."

Calum sighed not wanting to start a fight right now. He was emotionally drained by all of this so he kept quiet, not wanting to hurt himself more.

"Okay." He responded quietly, looking away.

Calum couldn't watch the rest of the film knowing that Michael was messaging someone like he used to message him. Someone was making Michael smile like Calum used to. Calum's brown eyes were set on the screen but he wasn't in the moment. He was lost somewhere, not knowing what to do. 

Calum wasn't stupid, he knew what was going on. 

But he was just too much of a coward to do anything.


	5. Chapter 5

"You look amazing." Calum whispered quietly into Michael's ear. The green eyed boy had on a black shirt, his sleeves rolled to show off his tattoos and black jeans. Something simple but nice.

Calum's arms were around Michael's waist as they walked into the restaurant but the boy didn't acknowledge the touch. The tanned boy sighed at his attempt.

The couple sat awkwardly at the table as they waited to be served. "How was it when I was gone?" Calum asked quietly.

"It was different." Michael said slowly, thinking over his words. 

Calum tried a few more attempts at a conversation but Michael's answers were quick and cut off. He showed no interest in any of the topics; Calum wanted to rip out his hair. 

It was so hard having a conversation when it was half hearted. He desperately wanted to carry on talking, hoping that Michael would talk to him. But the pale boy never did and Calum was forced to stop talking. 

The food came and they ate in silence, Calum hated this so much.

"Do you want to do something else?" He asked but Michael shook his head, no.

He nodded grimly and ordered desert, Michael's favourite in hopes of getting any kind of reaction out of the boy but he was too busy on his phone to notice.

The drive home was silent and Calum felt like there was a bomb inside of him which would explode if he didn't try talking.

He glanced over at Michael and shook his head sadly, "Who are you messaging?"

His response was quick, "A friend."

Calum groaned, "Stop with the friend excuse. Don't treat me like a fool."

Michael put his phone away, glaring at Calum. The wind from the open windows had ruffled his hair and given him some colour in his pale cheeks. Despite the angry look in his eyes, Calum still found himself awed by Michael's beauty.

"One of the guys at work was asking me how things were going with the new game." Michael spat angrily making Calum look down at the wheel. He was tired of the lies.

Hesitantly, he reached out to place his hand on Michael's thigh but the younger removed his grip. Calum swallowed back a sob. "Who is it you message that always makes you smile?"

His voice was laced with sadness and he kept his eyes on the road. The streets were empty and the moon wasn't visible, leaving dark pools of ink in its trace. Dull, yellow lights from the street-lamps leaked into their car. The soft humming of the engine was soothing in a way.

"I told you, it's a friend. You have no trust in me." Michael's voice was loud with fury. And Calum just wanted him to calm down.

"I don't want to have this fight now baby." 

"Well tough we're having it. You don't have the right to ask me who I'm messaging all the time!" He exclaimed. Michael crossed his arms and legs, looking out of his window and avoiding Calum's gaze.

The dark haired boy sat in silence knowing that Michael was partially right. Calum felt intrusive when asking him all these questions but he needed to for his own sanity.

No matter what, Calum had the right to be told the truth.

"Can you calm down for me Michael?" He asked softly. It was a failed attempt.

"No. How dare you try and make it seem like I'm cheating." 

Calum gulped heavily and refused to look at the angry boy beside him. The rest of the drive home was awful; Calum just wanted things to be better.

When the two arrived home, Calum noticed someone outside watching him. He turned around seeing his neighbour, Luke, outside with another boy. They both were huddled outside trying to fix some lights from what Calum could see and he caught the boys eye. Calum smiled at him softly and Luke waved back. 

He turned away, following Michael inside and the boy started yelling. "You're so fucking annoying. I don't need to tell you who I'm with all the time. I'm not cheating on you."

Fuck, Calum was going to explode. He walked straight ahead, switching all the lights in as he made his way to the kitchen.

"Stop ignoring me!"

"Fuck Michael! I didn't say that! I didn't say you were cheating on me. God, no- I just don't like the way things are." Calum's voice was loud but had decreased in volume immensely as he spent more time talking.

It was quiet in the huge house and Calum turned around with wet cheeks to face his boyfriend. Michael was standing at the door, arms crossed like before watching him and Calum looked down blinking the tears away. He placed his hands on the kitchen counter, breathing heavily and he sighed.

"I miss the old you. The old us. I just want things to be normal again." Calum confessed.

But there was no point speaking because Michael had turned around and switched off the lights; walking away. 

Calum fell to his knees, sobbing quietly in the dark. He gripped onto the handles and leaned against the cupboards, banging his head against them tiredly. Why couldn't he just fix it? Why couldn't Michael talk to him and just try to make things better?

Calum thought Michael would want that. To make things better. He thought his boyfriend would come up to him and hold him tight; promising him that things would indeed get better. But he hadn't.

Michael had just walked away, leaving Calum and all their problems in the dark. He didn't want to fix it, he wanted to ignore them. He hadn't just walked out of the kitchen that day, he had walked out on Calum and their relationship.


	6. Chapter 6

Calum had held it in for too long; he couldn't keep himself quiet anymore. All the anger and pain he contained inside of him needed to come out.

And it did.

His vision was blurry, the pain leaving his body through his tears only leaving him empty and numb inside. He whacked everything from the counter onto the floor, kicking the fallen objects.

Everything we becoming a about, Calum's mind going haywire due to the mess he had just made. He couldn't leave it like that so he bent down, desperately picking up the utensils and broken pieces. Calum clutched onto them tightly, the sharp edges tearing his skin but he hadn't even realised. Too absorbed in his own heartache. He wondered if Michael could hear his pain.

Normally, they'd make up after a fight, neither of them liked sleeping on their troubles. But like everything else; this time it was different too.

Calum felt dizzy, the empty room and silent corridor was getting to him. The darkness only made things worse and suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe. He had to get out, get a peace mind.

Of course, he wasn't watching where he walked and bumped into someone. He raised his head, tired eyes looking into familiar blue ones and Calum faked a smile. 

It was easy to paint the grin on his face, he had done it many times in his teenage years. He never thought he'd be faking because of Michael but fate had given him an even crueler fortune. Michael didn't even care if Calum was sad, so why would Calum's fake smiles matter to him?

When did they become so broken?

"Calum?"

Luke's soft voice bought him out of the war-zone in his mind.

"Hey, how are you settling in?"

The boy frowned at Calum. "You're not okay. What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." Calum insisted and Luke gave him a sad smile.

"I'm not an idiot Cal, now tell me what's wrong."

The broken hearted boy sighed in defeat, "Michael and I had a fight."

Luke looked at Calum sadly, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Luke's blue eyes widened and he picked up Calum's hand in his own, examining them.

"You're hurt."

Calum nodded quietly watching the way the smaller boy held his hand like it was fragile. His lips were in a slight pout like he didn't know he was doing it and his blue eyes were focused on the injuries. Calum could see his light, blond lashes; they were so long. 

Luke tugged on Calum's hands, "Come on, I can get it treated."

"I'm fine Luke, I can sort myself out."

"No you can't. Otherwise you wouldn't have left your house with it like this." His voice was quiet but firm and Calum avoided Luke's blue  
eyes knowing he was right. 

He didn't see the small grin on Luke's face as the blond pulled Calum along the path to his own house.

The walls were light grey, black couches and glass tables were placed perfectly. 

"Your house is lovely."

Luke looked back smiling. "Thanks. Ash designed it, he was eager to. He promised me it'd come out amazing and I guess it did for once." Calum smiled when he saw the fondness in Luke's eyes and when he smiled to himself.

"Where is he? I'd like to say hi." Calum asked politely and Luke nodded with a big smile. 

"He's somewhere here." Luke stood on his top toes, "Ash!" He yelled. Calum stood behind him awkwardly, eyes still glancing around the beautiful house.

Calum heard the rushed footsteps first before seeing a boy come down the stairs. He jumped off the last few steps with a huge smile. His skin was sun kissed and he had a mess of honey coloured hair that looked effortlessly styled. The boy was dressed in sweats and a vest, the muscles in his arms very prominent. If it wasn't for the huge smile on his face, Calum would think he was aggressive maybe. The strangers twinkling eyes were on Calum making him anxious.

"Hi, I'm Calum."

The boy grinned even more widely- if that was possible -and he stepped forward, pulling Calum in for a quick hug. 

"Hi, I'm Ashton Irwin, housemate and the amazing boyfriend of the blondie beside you." 

Ashton's voice was high and loud, radiating confidence. He seemed like the type to always make people smile without trying too hard. 

Calum looked over at the blond beside him who was blushing fiercely when Ashton pulled him closer and kissed his cheeks twice. 

"Shut up Ash." 

Luke groaned and tried pushing Ashton away but the taller, well-built boy laughed loudly and ruffled his hair. "Only joking Lu." He looked at Calum smiling, "We're best friends and bros."

Calum nodded, smiling at the two. Ashton seemed very lively and outgoing whilst Luke was seen was more sensible and quiet. He wasn't sure how the two met and became friends but they looked immensely happy. 

"Ash, will you help us?" Luke asked smiling when his friend instantly nodded. "Course, what with?"

Calum blushed and tried to hide his hands but Ashton had already spotted them. His face didn't show any surprise or shock he just looked up into Calum's eyes and smiled.

"Come with me."

Calum nodded walking into their main room and sitting on the couch. Luke smiled at him reassuringly and Ashton soon appeared with the first aid kit.

He made no comment whilst cleaning up his cuts and Calum was relieved for that. However, Calum noticed that Luke looked slightly sad and he raised his eyebrows.

Luke shook his head and sighed, "Nothing."

His small voice made Ashton look up and he looked at the two before patting Calum's hand softly with a smile, "All done."

"I hope we can meet your boyfriend one day." Luke said kindly.

Ashton eyes shined brightly, "You have a boyfriend? That's awesome! Join the club." Ashton giggled, "Lu and I don't have boyfriends but we're gay too so yay."

His nerdy behaviour made Calum laugh and soon all three were laughing. "You guys will love him. He's funny and is the most laziest person I know. Michael is obsessed with his video games."

"Cool!" Ashton said grinning. 

Calum stood up, "Thanks, you know, for helping me."

Ashton shrugged it off, "No problem."

The tanned boy looked at Luke gratefully, feeling slightly calm when the blond smiled back, "It was nice having you here. Maybe we can hang some time?"

Luke's cheeks were slightly pink and Calum didn't miss the way Ashton eyed his best friend with a grin. It was evident the blond was a shy person. The time Calum had spent in their house Ashton had done most of the talking but Luke did chip in here and there. 

"Sounds great." Calum said with a smile chuckling to himself when Luke blushed even harder.


	7. Chapter 7

Calum spent a lot of time with Luke and Ashton. He didn't really have much friends or any to be honest, of course he had the people he worked with but they only went out for drink once in a while on a Friday evening and even then they hardly talked. He only really spent time with Michael. 

Calum had gone abroad to work with a few other colleagues and a lot had changed while he was gone. Now that he was back, he was given the few months off work like he was promised but he kinda wished he wasn't off. 

The Maori boy was thankful for his two new neighbours.

Calum and Michael's home had been quiet ever since and Calum hated the tension between the two. He was sick of it so he decided to try and sort things out between them. He really missed his boyfriend.

"Michael?" He called, "Babe, where are you?" The lack of response made Calum decide to leave the room and go looking for the black haired boy. As soon as he reached the stairs, he heard Michael's voice. It was soft and almost silent.

"I'll be there soon baby. I miss you too, don't worry. He doesn't know." The boy sighed, "I loved him for years, I don't wanna hurt him. Fine, whatever."

Calum gulped heavily, not believing what he had just heard. In the silence of the house, he could almost hear his heart crack into pieces.. 

He couldn't help but wonder when Michael would deliver the last blow; breaking it all.

"Calum." He called out, voice more softer than it had been for days and the tanned boy walked down silently. He didn't know what to do.

He gathered all his courage but when he spoke his voice was only a mere whisper. "Hi." Calum whispered.

The green eyes that Calum still fucking loved widened, Calum could see the guilt held within them.

Michael looked worried like he feared Calum had heard anything but when the dark eyed boy offered him a broken smile and pulled him closer, Michael seemed to calm down.

"Can we go back to how things used to be?" Calum asked sadly. "What's happened to us?"

He looked down at his boyfriend, watching how he bit his lips.

The lips that had been kissed by someone else.

The pale boy stayed quiet and Calum fell onto him, hugging him tightly. His eyes burning as he forced the tears to stay.

"You love me, don't you?" Calum whispered into his hair desperately, body rocking from his sobs. "I love you Michael. I love you so much."

In the silence of the room Calum hoped to himself that Michael would lie. Lie to him, so that he could stay sane.

"Of course I do." Michael whispered.

But those weren't the words Calum had wanted.

He let out a shaky breath and pulled away, not being able to look at Michael anymore.

"Where are you going?" The green eyed boy asked, voice quiet.

"Out."

Each step Calum took was filled with pain and anger. His fists were in tight balls, an attempt at controlling his emotions. He was fuming.

But not at Michael.

At himself.

For not being enough for Michael; why else would he want someone else? What was Calum doing wrong?

Slamming the door shut, Calum gasped at the frost in the air. It cooled down the fire that was growing inside of him.

He spotted Ashton across the road. Carrying a bag that Calum presumed was filled with takeout. Calum gave him a smile but Ashton only furrowed his eyebrows. He must have noticed something that wrong but Calum didn't care. Confused, the muscular boy smiled back before walking back into his house.

If Calum could keep pretending everything was fine then maybe it would be.

The Maori boy did the only thing he could think of; he drove away. Trying to forget his mess of a relationship. The engine of his car roared and the wind was loud, blocking out the sounds of his broken heart.

He wanted to drive forever. Take himself away and possibly forget everything. Like having amnesia, but forever. But Calum had to stop somewhere; give himself a break.

And that's when he fell apart, screaming into the wheel. He thought he had made the right choices. Being with him, loving him. Calum thought he was enough for Michael. As much as he knew he didn't deserve him, Calum still stayed.

Day by day Michael had made Calum believe they were perfect for each other. 

The sad thing was, Calum believed every word Michael had told him.

The two had spent years on their relationship, slipping though each other's walls and building their tower of love so high. Years, it had taken to get to where they were and now Michael had ruined it so easily.

Calum had a long way to fall until he had reached solid ground again, but right now it it felt like he'd be falling forever.

The sad boy glanced at his watch, it told him it was three in the morning. Three in the morning, and Calum was still hopelessly hiding behind the dark shadows of the night.


	8. Chapter 8

The huge house had been empty for days. Michael hadn't come back and Calum hadn't left. He hid in bed; not eating; not showering. Nothing.

Calum couldn't do it anymore, no matter how much he didn't want to, he was still worried for his boyfriend. Could you even call them that now? 

He grabbed his phone glad that it still had charge and he called Michael, regretting his decision already.

"What's wrong?" He asked breathlessly.

"Where are you?" Calum asked pathetically, he hated how he was the only one that seemed to care.

Michael breathes hard through the line, "At w-work."

Calum's throat was dry, tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth and for a minute he felt faint.

"For three days?" He croaked out.

The pained boy heard Michael's muffled moans and hushed whines and for the first time ever he questioned his existence. The tears were hot and thick and Calum was just too tired to wipe them away.

"Things have been-" Michael let out a breathy whine, "really busy."

Calum would've been a fool if he had missed the rough laughter of the stranger Michael was with. God, what did it matter? Calum had been a fool since day one. 

The dark haired boy felt like a fucking toy. He let Michael mess with him so easily, playing with him one day and throwing him the next. "See you soon." He said quietly before ending the phone.

The kiwi staggered out of their room and threw up in the bathroom. He looked at his reflection in the mirror wincing, dark circles surrounded his bloodshot eyes. His hair limp, curls most likely knotted and dry. His usual glowing skin was pale. Calum was the ghost of the man who he used to be.

He forced himself into the shower, not caring about how hot or cold the temperature was. When he stepped out, he didn't bother looking in the mirror again. He knew he didn't look his best but what did that matter? Not when the inside of his mind was a fucking war-zone.

There was nothing to do to take his mind off of things, the house was clean due to the lack of living and Calum felt his throat threatening him again.

He ended up knocking on the house on the other side of the road, hoping to see Luke but he was met with the hazel eyes of Ashton. 

Like always, the boy had a huge smile on his lips but one look at Calum had made it disappear.

His mouth opened to speak but he was stuck on what to say and Calum didn't really blame him. "Is Luke home?" He asked quietly and the older boy nodded, letting him in.

Calum sat down not knowing how long he had been staring at the soft carpet underneath him until he heard a small gasp. He looked up, catching eyes with Luke instantly and he put on a smile. Calum didn't even have to make himself do that anymore, it came naturally to him. A self defence mechanism his body had since gotten used to.

But Calum was fooling no one.

"Wanna go up to my room?" Luke asked quietly fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. "O-only if you want to."

Calum nodded gratefully, "I'd like that."

Ashton gave the pair sympathetic smile before going back to the kitchen where he had been earlier.

Calum followed Luke, eyes down and lips frowned. The soft sound of the door being pushed made him look his bad he looked at the white walls. 

White was the absence of colour; empty and lonely just like Calum. But white was pretty, pure and light; complete opposite of what Calum was feeling. Calum was stuck between the greys, feeling lost and scared and lonely. In the midst of destruction whilst wanting to cause his own. 

He glanced around not really taking anything in and then he fell to the ground, leaning again Luke's bed.

The blue eyed boy watched Calum silently, letting him get comfortable before asking quietly, "What's wrong?" 

Calum's dark eyes studied the worry on Luke's face and he laughed at himself. He was so weak he had to burden Luke with his problems. Luke was probably one of the most kindest and sweetest person he and ever met.

"Things are tough at work."

Both sat there in the silence of the room knowing fully well that Calum was lying. The boy thought that being in the presence of another being especially a kind, caring one would make him feel less isolated but nothing seemed to be working.

Calum sat there quietly, tears running down his face but he made no sound. Luke sat there helplessly.

He had always been shy, quiet and unnoticed during his teen years only acknowledged when he was around Ashton. He liked to sit and observe people. Most people saw him as a quiet person, someone who preferred his own company but Luke was a peoples person. He enjoyed spending his time watching and studying people. Getting to learn more about himself and others.

He was used to seeing sad faces, happy faces, lost faces, and downright furious faces. He was used to it, being quiet and hidden away in the scene. 

But for some reason, it was so hard for him to just observe the tears streaming down Calum's face as he stayed silent. Eyes closed and lips quivering. 

Luke wanted to do more. So he forced himself to do this, but not just for Calum

"Is it okay if I hug you?" He asked carefully, biting his lip in anticipation. 

Calum opened his eyes and Luke could really see how broken the boy in front of him was. He sniffed and shook his head, hiding his face in his knees. 

Luke was disappointed with his answer but he couldn't do anything about it, "Okay. That's alright."

But then Calum started crying, his cries loud and clear this time. The pain gripping onto Luke's heart. 

All of a sudden, Luke pitied all those solemn faces he had used to observe. He should've done something to make their day better but he couldn't go back in time.

Calum looked up at Luke, he thought he'd be okay, thought he'd experienced the worst but it was only just beginning and Calum was too frightened to face it alone. 

"You can hug me now." He breathed out. "Please?"

Luke rushed to his side, holding him tightly. "You're okay Cal, you'll be okay." His voice soft and sweet as he spoke, repeating himself over and over again like a lullaby. It was like he knew his words wouldn't go through to Calum but only left lingering in the air. 

Calum let himself be held as he listened to Luke's soft voice and eventually he acknowledged them and they reassured him slightly.

Maybe things would be okay.


	9. Chapter 9

Calum entered the house and was surprised when he heard music come from upstairs. The same music from his high school years.

He took his chances, "Michael?" 

To Calum's shock, the boy replied.

Calum walked upstairs not knowing if it was safe for him to walk into their room without being ripped apart. But his heart ached for Michael.

He took small steps into their room to see clothes all over the bed and shoes on the floor. Michael stepped out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and freshly died hair. It was blond.

"Your hair looks nice." Calum commented not knowing what to say. Michael was like a ticking time bomb, being in his presence emotionally drained Calum. He tried hard not to ask questions; he knew where Michael was going.

"Thank you. I'm going out with some friends. You'll be okay without me, right." He asked going through the clothes he had lay out, not even glancing at Calum.

The dark haired boy nodded, laughing at the stranger in his room. Michael looked startled at Calum's weird behaviour.

"What?"

"I've been perfectly fine by myself for three days. Another night wouldn't make a difference." He said coldly. He had nothing left in himself to offer to his old lover.

Michael looked at Calum in shock, he looked away quickly collecting himself. "Stop acting so pathetic. You know how my work is."

"I know too well." Calum spat and Michael's head whipped back, green eyes wide in fright.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked. All his confidence gone, his voice was small and shaky and it felt good to Calum. Happy that he wasn't the only one being affected.

"Whatever. Enjoy your night. You'll look stunning." Calum mumbled, "You always do."

He walked out of their room, and closed the door blocking the music and any memory of Michael.

Calum found himself in his design room all the pictures he had taken and edited were in the walls. All mostly of Michael.

Pictures of the couple and just of Michael lined the walls. Messy writing scrawled on the bottoms of each one so they'd never forget the memories. Calum had a few pieces put aside, separate to the rest. They were Michael's. The rubbish attempts he had at copying Calum's work. Michael hated them but Calum didn't he loved the messy pieces of art.

Loved the fact that Michael tried for him.

He sat down blankly looking at his canvas. He had been drawing and placing his own pictures on the blank slate; a collage of things that reminded him of Michael. If they were all placed perfectly then Michael's portrait would be compete. His mind never switched off when it came to Michael.

Calum worked quietly, his mind and body feeling at ease at home for the first time in a while. He let himself escape for a bit as he completed the portrait. It wasn't hard, but when it concerned Michael, it came to Calum easily. He knew every bend and crease in Michael's face, every mark and scar. He had spent countless of hours admiring his gorgeous boyfriend Calum knew it'd be impossible to forget him. 

He had left his mark so deeply engraved in Calum that it hurt when tried to get rid of it.

The brown eyed boy stepped back. The portrait was perfect.

And Calum hated it.

The door to Calum's design room opened and there stood Michael, as handsome as ever. He stepped inside quietly, stepping over all the mess on the floor. Michael could walk through this room with his eyes closed and still avoid every random junk pile Calum had been to lazy to clean. 

Calum let the boy look at his work, watching how his green eyes widened. Those eyes looked so foreign to him now.

"It's..." Michael was at a loss of words and Calum smiled at him bitterly.

"You." He finished.

Michael stepped away from the art, away from Calum. He just turned around gathering up his supplies.

It was quiet in the room, Calum unsure if Michael had left or was watching him. But then his voice was heard.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Calum looked back at him knowing that that was a lie.

But he still let it slide because he was too much of a coward. The tension was thick between the two and Calum gulped heavily once Michael had shut the door.

Leaving him in the silence.


	10. Chapter 10

Calum was sat in the dark room, fingers wrapped tightly around a bottle. He had resulted to the lowest level he could, drinking his sorrows away but still not being able to forget.

It's said that when you die, your brain plays your life sequences right from the beginning to the very end. In about seven minutes.

Well Calum had lost all track of time but he was absolutely positive that it was happening to him.

He might not be dead, but inside he was. The drink was meant to make him forget but instead he was being forced to watch out a whole fucking movie about his shitty life.

They were sixteen when Michael fell onto Calum in the hallways. Blushing deeply as he stuttered an apology. Calum still remembered the band tee he wore and how he had one headphone in and the other lay against his chest. The music so loud he could hear it from where he was standing. All Calum could do was nod, he was taken away by Michael's sweet voice and glittering eyes. So sweet and different to the way he dressed. But Calum found that so cute.

The day they both graduated, Michael had ran up to him, kissing him hard in front of everyone whilst crying. And when he saw the small cake his parents had bought for him and Calum, he wouldn't stop crying. He was so happy he vomited in the car on the way to lunch. Calum had teased him for it every time they drove to Michael's parents home for lunch.

The first time they made love was forever plastered in Calum's mind. It was so special for them. They were each other's first time. Calum never stopped loving him.

And when it was the anniversary of Calum's parents death, Michael was there for Calum. He held Calum close and didn't judge him when he cried. The two made a lot of promises to each other that night.

But Michael had broken them all. Years of love and effort and he ruined it just like that.

Calum took another gulp of the bitter liquor, loving the way it burnt his throat. If he closed his eyes tight, he could forget for a bit.

The drunk boy was so distracted that he hadn't noticed the hallway light flicker. It was bright; illuminating almost to Calum and he rubbed his eyes.

There stood Michael.

With his blurry vision and the blinding lights, it looked like Michael had a halo around his hair. It was light, a mixture of gold and white due to his hair. Calum almost laughed. 

Michael was no angel .

Calum felt like he was drowning in the silence, the weakened version of his senses didn't help. He felt like he was floating, not sure what on but it didn't feel safe.

"You're home." Calum mumbled.

"I said I'll be back." Michael said quietly, like he was ashamed.

Calum's dark eyes studied Michael, he had no fucking clue what he was looking for. 

Love?

"You said a lot of things." The drunk boy hiccupped.

His fingers ran up and down his thighs and he bit his lip not knowing what to do. The alcohol was making him dizzy. 

Calum looked up frowning at Michael's sadness. He didn't know what he had said to upset him but he deserved to be sad. 

The dark haired boy still wanted to rush up to Michael and hold him tight against his body but his sober part of him -the better part- was begging him not to. To let Michael go and save himself the pain. 

Calum was sick and tired of being the sad one.


	11. Chapter 11

Luke had shyly asked Calum to join him. The tanned boy was hesitant, wanting to stay home but maybe a day away would benefit him. And anyway, Luke had mustered up a lot courage to ask him. Calum and Luke were good friends, he couldn't disappoint the blond.

The Maori enjoyed Luke's company a lot more than he expected at times.

Michael was shocked when Calum said he'd be gone all day. The brown eyed boy didn't know if he should feel offended or smug. 

As Calum got ready, it really began to dawn on him that this could probably be it . The damage had been done ages ago. They just kept on sinking further, not trying to repair it or themselves along the way. 

"It's finished." The older boy said, voice seemingly loud in the quiet car. Calum had offered to drive the two and Luke happily agreed, taking his place in the passenger seat.

"What do you mean?" Luke asked carefully, blue eyes glancing over to look at the him.

"Michael. We can't go back to how things used to be. Why doesn't he just leave? Why does he stay around? It only makes things worse for me." Calum confessed, voice dropping to a whisper.

"Why is it worse for you?" Luke asked and Calum shrugged helplessly. 

"Because I fucking love him, Luke. And all I can think about is how much I hate him." Calum sniffed loudly, his hold on the wheel tightened. "Some days I forget that he's different and that we're not who we used to be. I go to hug him or kiss him and I have to stop myself."

Calum's eyes had hardened, tensions in the car had rose. Luke bit his lip, his blue eyes glanced around awkwardly. He didn't know what to do or say so he stayed silent. 

"When he comes to bed, I have to try so hard to not hold him. And when I wake up I see him sprawled on the sheets and he looks so cute. But then I realise that he's been seen like this by someone else, that someone else has touched him and kissed him." Calum felt so vulnerable as he spoke but he couldn't stop himself because he needed this. He had heard how his voice had dropped and from the corner of his eyes he could see Luke fidget with his fingers. "I hate it. He's taken over my mind and I need him to go so that I don't feel like this loser all the time but he just won't."

It was silent.

Calum rolled down the windows; inside the car it felt stuffy and through the mirror he saw how Luke relaxed slightly.

His lips were tucked behind his teeth and nose slightly scrunched; something Calum had learned that Luke did when he was in deep in thought or was nervous.

Calum spoke softly, "What are you thinking about?"

"Why don't you leave him?" Luke asked quietly, "I know you don't think so but you don't deserve him. You deserve someone else, someone who will never hurt you. Someone who will love you forever."

Luke turned to look at Calum and they held eye contact. Calum had all his walls up and the longer he looked into Luke's eyes he worried that they'd come crumbling down. Not being able to face the blond anymore, he turned away.

"Because I still love him. He's still my Michael. He loves me, a lot." Calum's voice was small like a child's, he sounded desperate and Luke's heart ached for him. "B-but now he's forgotten me."

"He doesn't love you Cal. You don't do that to someone you love. You won't ever be able to forget someone you love because they'll always be on your mind."

Luke tried to show Calum some sense because he was hurting a lot. And things could only get worse from here, Luke had learnt that.

It sounded pathetic, really pathetic but inside of Luke's lonely heart, feelings for Calum had blossomed. He was so kind when they met and for the last few weeks he had spent so much time with him. 

Calum was sweet and caring and seemed to value Luke. He didn't forget about him or faked an interest just to be closer with Ashton. Calum spent time with Luke, getting to know him and making him laugh and no one had ever been like that with Luke. 

But Calum was looking at Luke with anger, he knew what Luke and said was right but that didn't meant it hadn't hurt him.

"You don't get to say that!" Calum's voice was quiet but sounded so cold that Luke regretted everything he said straight away. "You don't know everything about us." Calum's voice was rising in anger and pain with each word that left his lips and Luke felt terrible.

"You're right." The blond sighed. He had to make Calum see sense, "But, I would never hurt the one I love."

The two sat in the silence, Luke's body curled in on its self and Calum had stopped the car. He leaned back, catching his breath and he felt awful for scaring Luke and making him sad. He didn't want to be a monster.

Calum didn't know how to fix this, he had so many questions to ask Luke so he did that instead. 

"Have you ever loved anyone?"

Calum turned in his seat, really studying the boy as he shrugged. His eyes were looking down at his lap and his lips were in a small frown. Calum really wanted to see Luke's eyes.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

To the older boy's surprise, Luke spoke up. "I have loved someone, I loved them a lot. But they wanted somebody else. They used me to get to Ash."

His voice cracked and Calum could see him clench his eyes tight. He felt guilty for snapping at him earlier, "I'm sorry."

Luke shrugged again, fingers still fidgeting with one another. Inside of the car was dark, no streetlights were near and Calum wondered if Luke was okay with it. Did he like the darkness or was he scared of it?

There was a lot of things about Luke that Calum wanted to learn.

"Some things are meant to happen. If I stayed with him then I..." Luke took a breath, his soft voice had managed to sound softer, almost like a whisper. "I wouldn't have found someone else."

"You have?" Calum asked, he was shocked to hear that. He wanted to know who it was.

Luke nodded avoiding Calum's eyes.

"Oh."

When they arrived home Calum couldn't stop himself from hugging Luke. The blond was surprised, he felt the butterflies swell in his stomach as he shyly hugged Calum back, head resting against the older boy's chest.

Calum stepped into his home and made his way upstairs, breath halting when he heard it. 

Michael.

Calum's heart plummeted to the bottom of his stomach; his boyfriends moans echoed through the empty halls and the sound of another man accompanied it.

Calum stood paralysed on the spot, his fingers tightly wrapped around the railings to steady his trembling body.

Michael's moans made Calum feel sick, the sound of another mans name leaving his lips infuriated Calum. It was worse because if Calum closed his eyes he could see the way Michael's face contorted in pleasure. He had seen it too many times.

This was Calum's home too.

Calum was enraged; he barged into their room. He knew what to expect but seeing it with his own two eyes made him weak suddenly. He wished he hadn't confronted them.

His gorgeous Michael was sat on top of the man, hips littered with bruises and his head thrown back. 

Calum gulped heavily when the two pulled away, looking at him with wide eyes. Michael was flush red, the man previously underneath him had frozen and Calum looked into his lovers green eyes. They held several emotions, pain being the most evident. 

But what did Calum care?

Michael wasn't as damaged as Calum.


	12. Chapter 12

The man stumbled out of their bed, pulling on his clothes and Calum stormed up to him. Anger coursed his body, right up to his fingertips. Like explosions in his stomach and flames in his fingers. He was raging. 

Calum pushed the man harshly, his back hit the wall and Calum threw punches everywhere. The Maori couldn't and wouldn't even try to control himself.

Michael's gasps and cries were long forgotten as Calum directed all his pain to his fists. The man deserved to feel it; feel how Calum had felt for the last few weeks.

Because of him, he had lost everything. If he hadn't met Michael and given him the chance then Michael wouldn't have taken it.

Michael wouldn't have hurt him.

The man must have snapped out of his trance because he too fought back, pushing Calum away harshly so he stumbled backwards and nearly tripped. The contact raged him even more, Michael begged him to calm down but Calum wasn't listening. The anger was getting to him, drowning out everything else.

The dark haired boy pulled the man to the ground, "You fucking bastard! You ruined us! Loving him behind my back, you're fucking scum!" 

Calum spat at the man and punched his nose hearing it crack. It satisfied him for a second before the anger came flooding back but he threw the man away, looking right at Michael. He wiped his bloody fists, looking away as soon as his eyes began tearing up.

Michael looked so scared. So scared that it hurt Calum.

The green eyed boy's cheeks were wet and his eyes wide, his hair messy and the shirt he had on was too big. It exposed all the hickeys he had and Calum bit his lip, trying so hard not to cry. 

Calum promised he'd never ever hurt the boy, never leave him or hurt him but he wasn't the one to worry about. Michael had thrown away all their promises not caring anymore, it only left Calum on the edge. Gripping tightly onto those forgotten words, because he wasn't ready to let go.

The pale boy sniffed loudly, the silence in the room was so scary but so accurate. That's what their relationship had become and even if they tried to amend it, there was still too many holes, too many problems that couldn't be solved.

He began to speak but Calum stopped him.

"I loved you. I never had anyone to love in my life and you came and took that spot. I thought you were happy, I thought we were happy." 

Calum let the tears fall freely, his face mirrored his boyfriends. 

His voice was cold as he spoke, he was a mess inside. Too tired to keep his barriers up but Calum didn't want to show Michael how weak he was because it felt too much of an insult.

"You're a selfish bitch. I hate you." He looked Michael straight in the eye, watching how his face crumpled. Calum words were finally hitting him.

"I hate myself too, because I still love you and I know that when you're gone I'll miss you so fucking much. I'll hate myself for not making you stay. I'll go fucking insane, wondering what it was. What I did wrong. But it wasn't me, was it? It was you."

"Calum please, please listen." Michael cried rushing up to him. The dark haired boy looked up, he took shaky steps back moving his head left to right. The tears slipped out and he put up his hands wanting Michael to stay away. 

"I loved you Cal, I really did. You were my everything but then you were gone, I was so lonely." 

Calum cried bitterly. "I was lonely too!" He roared, "I didn't want to go, it was work! I asked you to come but you didn't want to."

Michael looked at his old lover, regretting everything he had ever done to hurt him. Calum deserved so much more. He tried again, taking small steps towards him. 

"Stop!" Calum cried, "Don't, don't you dare!"

Michael looked away, ashamed. He was half naked with only his boxers on and another mans shirt. His pale body was littered with bruises and love bites from the wrong man. What was he thinking?

"I'm sorry," He began.

"Sorry's not enough." Calum cut in. "It doesn't m-mean anything to me. You still left, you still hurt me Mi-"

Michael's heart broke at watching the state Calum was in, he couldn't even bear to say Michael's name. 

Calum reached up to hold his aching jaw. He had angry eyes, blood smeared on his knuckles and slightly on his cheeks from when he wiped away his tears. His jaw was tight but his body was shaking like a leaf.

Michael opened his mouth to speak but Calum shook his head turning away. He didn't want to hear what Michael had left to say because he knew that if he heard his boyfriends voice anymore then he'd go crawling back to him. 

With all the strength Calum could gather, he turned away.

"Just go." He whispered, head down and under eyes sore. Gulping heavily, Calum dragged his stiff legs out of the room. 

Calum didn't want Michael to go. Calum didn't want Michael to stay. Calum didn't know what the fuck he wanted.


	13. Chapter 13

The Maori had made his way through the hallway and towards the guest room. He sat himself at the edge of the bed. The noise of rushed movements echoed through the corridor, Michael's small sobs stabbing his already torn heart and Calum cried loudly. He didn't care if they could hear. 

He didn't have anything left for him now.

Calum waited and waited for the noise to dull down. Fingers tangling within themselves and he fell to the floor, leaning against the bed and tugging at his hair. His spare hand covering his mouth to muffle his screams.

Calum was so tired.

His chest puffed out, slightly aching because he had been crying so much. He pulled in his knees, hugging them to his trembling body and he closed his eyes, letting sleep take over him. 

When his eyes eventually fluttered open again, he groaned. It was dark in the room, his eyes having to squint to make out where he was. Calum let go of his knees, letting them fall out in front of him and he rubbed his eyes leaning against the bed. He pushed away his thoughts not wanting to think about it right now. Calum didn't have the strength to.

He was a lost soul in a world full of darkness, but he didn't radiate any light. Only basked in the absence of it. He absorbed the dark colour, letting it slowly colour his life and take away his happiness. 

Calum wasn't new to the feeling and he hated how familiar it felt. So familiar that he didn't care, he wasn't scared. There weren't enough words to describe how he felt.

It felt wrong to be here, but he couldn't go to his room because that wasn't his anymore. Not really. 

There was only one place that felt Calum felt safe in. And he found that his feet were leading him towards the only place where the wars in his mind could temporarily come to a halt. 

Anxiously he stood at the door; waiting for it to open. When Calum's lifeless eyes connected with the beautiful, blue oceans of Luke's he couldn't stop himself from falling into him:

Luke's arms wrapped around Calum straight away, protecting him from the pain. The Maori hid his face in Luke's neck as he felt the blond's arms pull him closer.

He couldn't help himself and sobbed into Luke's chest. His words were jumbled as he tried to apologise but Luke hushed him and took him inside. 

Luke didn't know what had happened but Calum was in pieces and he just wanted him to feel better.

"I told Michael I hate him." Calum mumbled, "And now he's gone."

The two boys were on the couch, Luke leaned into Calum's side whilst the older held him close. The blue eyed boy bit his lip at Calum's confession. He sat up and shook his head sadly at Calum's state. 

"You'll be okay." Luke whispered letting Calum rest his head on his lap. 

The older boy hid his face in his hands and shook his head, "I don't want him to go."

Luke let his fingers run through Calum's hair. His dark curls were soft and thick and Luke smiled at his pretty they were. 

"It's okay Cal, you know it's for the best. You'll be okay." He said again with more passion, "I know you will."

It was quiet in the room, the small lamp in the corner supplying them light. Luke knew Ashton was awake, he never slept early, and he knew the boy was probably hearing all of this. He was glad his best friend didn't intrude right now, Calum needed space.

The broken boy reached up and took Luke's hand in his, to comfort himself. He laced their fingers together.

"I don't know who I am anymore. He was always there for me but now he's gone and I feel like I've lost myself too." 

Luke tapped Calum's shoulder and the two shared eye contact. Calum could see the worry in Luke's eyes, he was sure there was more emotion but he couldn't make it out.

"Don't say that Cal, you're just going through a rough time."

Calum paled and sat up. Weakly he asked, "Where's the bathroom?"

As soon as the words left Luke's lips, the brown eyed boy rushed towards the bathroom before heaving into the toilet. He choked out heavily and emptied his stomach, only bile exiting his body. Calum's stomach and throat burned and he felt faint. 

The intense burning in his body was terrible and he tugged off his t-shirt, suddenly burning up.

"How do you feel?" 

Luke's soft voice was soothing to the ear and Calum slowly turned around to see him standing at the door.

The older shrugged, voice aching too much to speak and Luke nodded letting Calum know he was understood. 

The sick boy walked over to the sink and began rinsing out his mouth, throwing the water on his face and then rubbing it down his arms to cool himself down. He hadn't realised Luke's keen eyes running over his tanned skin and stopping at the tattoo he had

Calum finally noticed and looked at his forearm, grimacing at the ink. It was of a bird; drawn out in black and then crimson red shaded it's wings and back. It was beautiful but Calum hated it.

It had been a moment of madness. A mistake Calum had made one night when he was drunk and out of his mind. The image was like blood on his skin: a reminder of all the pain he was surrounded in.

Luke's eyebrows raised in curiosity, "When did you get that?"

The boy shrugged again not wanting to speak. 

"It's pretty." Luke said softly.

Looking at it now, Calum knew it was beautiful. He just didn't know how Luke, thought it was. Luke was beautiful himself, pale skin that looked so clear and big blue eyes like a doll. Even the way he spoke was pretty, the words flowed out of his lips, curving to sound soft and light like the boy himself and Calum realised just how pretty he thought Luke was.

But the boy shook his head in disagreement. He didn't want to believe what Luke had said.

"It's not pretty." He said, voice deep with pain. He came off cold but he didn't stop himself as he spoke. "Birds aren't meant to be fucking red, I hate it." 

"Why get it then?" The younger asked.

His voice was still light and calm and Calum wanted to scream. Why was he always okay?

"I was drunk." He said roughly. Luke nodded, taking in his words but Calum wasn't done.

"It's the colour of his hair when we first met."


	14. Chapter 14

Calum looked at the mess on the floor through his blurred vision. Frames, flowers and books were scattered all around. Calum's anger had taken over and now everything was a mess; just like his mind. He fell to the ground, holding his head in his arms as he sobbed.

It was all Calum seemed to be doing nowadays.

Calum hadn't noticed that the door had opened until he heard the bittersweet voice call out for him.

"Calum?"

He shakily looked up; Michael was stood at the door. Blond hair a mess and eyes red. They widened as they took Calum in, but did he really care? 

Even if Michael's heart still pained at the sight of this broken Calum, the brown eyed boy didn't care anymore because Michael didn't love him.

The green eyed boy stepped towards Calum but he shuffled away, pushing away anything on the floor that prevented him from keeping distance from his ex boyfriend. It was so hard to call him that. 

"Please don't." Calum breathed.

"Why? Please Calum." Michael begged, he was desperate.

Calum shook his head frantically, "Go, Michael. Leave me alone." He looked up at the boy that had torn him apart, "You did it before, it shouldn't be hard to again."

Calum stared blankly at Michael, noticing the pain flash through his eyes. Eyes Calum could never look into again. 

"Don't hurt me anymore." 

"I'm sorry." Michael said quietly.

"Why are you here?" 

Calum suddenly wanted Michael back. He could try all he wanted to desperately look for the missing pieces of his heart and glue them back together but that wouldn't be strong enough for him. Not at all.

Calum feared that Michael had ruined all chances of him living his life happily. He was so scared he wouldn't be able to love again. Not after all this.

"Go back to him." He growled, "There's nothing for you here. The love is gone." 

Calum's voice raised, "Do you love him now? Do you?"

He tugged at his hair and then tried to stand up but the tears weren't fucking helping him and he stumbled over broken pieces of glass.

"Calum! Stop it, you're hurting yourself."

Both boys looked up to see Luke. He rushed inside and carefully kicked the mess to a side with his feet before pulling Calum towards him. 

The blue eyed blond had noticed the open door and heard the cries. He thought maybe Calum was drunk and had forgotten to close the door and now was crying to himself but no, it was the complete opposite. 

The boys crush was on the floor, wet cheeks glistening under the light as he screamed at the smaller, pale skinned boy. Calum looked so defenceless on the floor and Luke's heart went out to him. 

Once Luke had pulled Calum away, he placed him down on the couch. Calum looked up at him mumbling an apology. 

"It'll be alright once I bandage it. Or Ash, whoever you prefer." 

Calum however wasn't paying attention. He may have nodded but he was staring straight ahead. Coffee eyes locked with another pair of light green ones. Calum's gaze was steady and Michael had to look away. 

The Maori sighed and looked down at his lap and then the boy beside him. He gave Calum a small smile and Calum tried to give him one back. His lips may not have curved that high but his eyes showed peace and gratitude towards Luke.

"Thank you Luke." He said quietly making the blond smile more. Calum noticed the pain slightly decreased when Luke smiled. 

Luke looked away and that's when Calum remembered Michael was still here. Watching the pair with dull eyes before simply walking away. 

And for once, Calum didn't seem to mind because he wasn't alone now. Luke was here now. Luke wasn't a distraction, Luke would always be something more. Something sweeter, in Calum's life. 

When Michael had walked out the door this time, he hadn't left a big hole in Calum's heart. A huge Luke sized hole had replaced it with sweetness and light and Calum couldn't help but love Luke for it.


	15. Chapter 15

It was quiet in the big house and Luke sighed, forcing himself to chuckle. Calum must have heard cause he looked up, his curls falling over his eyes. Slightly frizzy and messy but he looked beautiful nonetheless. 

"We keep finding ourselves in the same situation." 

Calum looked down, "Sorry."

"I don't mind." Luke said quietly. "What happened?"

Calum eyed Luke's skinny fingers as they danced over his thighs. 

"I don't know, I just went crazy." Calum admitted, "Michael came back and I didn't expect him too. I didn't even let him speak."

"You should get home." Calum said quietly, worrying that he was burdening the younger boy too much with his problems.

Luke only scoffed, "I live across the road. And anyway, I wouldn't leave you here like this."

The tension was thick and Calum forced himself to speak. Curious to know why Luke cared, he had learnt that the shy boy was selfless but Calum just couldn't wrap his ahead around the fact that someone could be so kind.

"Why?" He asked. Calum must have sounded so sad or vulnerable because Luke was looking at him with soft eyes. "Why don't you just go? I'm okay." Calum lied. In truth, he really wanted Luke to stay.

The blue eyed boy sighed and leaned his head against Calum's shoulder, the Maori was slightly shocked by his actions but didn't mind. It was nice.

"I don't know why I won't go, I think I've grown to like you. A lot, I don't like seeing people sad."

Calum sat still thinking over Luke's words, he didn't know what to say. He didn't really know anything right now, his thoughts still a storm; creating a mess in his mind. 

The pair sat there in silence until Luke pulled himself up and then offered a hand for Calum to grab, which he did. "Come on let's fix that."

"There's a kit upstairs." The older replied emotionlessly and Luke nodded, walking up the stairs. Calum followed him silently, not giving the mess in the living room a second glance.

His eyes landed on the door at the end of the corridor, the one they had reserved. 

When the two had bought this house, Michael was adamant that there would be enough room for a guest room and another two spare ones. Calum never questioned him on it but one day he saw Michael standing inside looking around and Calum wrapped his arms around him. He held his then boyfriend close and asked him why the two room were needed and he felt his heart swell when he heard what Michael had to say.

The thought of the boy planning out their future, thinking about their children made him over the moon. Michael didn't care for the gender of their baby but Calum had always secretly wanted a little girl. A little baby girl he could hold close and protect. 

He thought back sadly, they were so eager to grow up and start their family. But what could be built out of broken pieces?

"Calum? Are you okay?"

The dark haired boy snapped out of his daze to see that he was seated on his bed. Luke crouched down in front of him with a worried look in his eyes. Once he noticed he had Calum's attention, he shot him a soft smile.

"I-I'm good." He said shakily. Luke nodded and opened the medical kit he had found in the bathroom. There wasn't much to take care of and soon he was finished. 

"It's done."

Calum looked down at his hand to see the white bandage on his skin. "Thank you."

Luke gave Calum his usual kind smile and stood up. "You've got to look after yourself Cal."

Calum nodded absentmindedly but snapped out of his thoughts when noticing that Luke was about to leave. He panicked and rushed forward, holding his hand and stopping him. 

Luke's blue eyes trailed down to their connected hands before looking up at Calum. "What's wrong Cal, you can tell me anything, you know that right?"

Calum stood frozen in his place and Luke squeezed his hand gently, smiling when Calum's brown orbs met his own. 

Calum felt safer in Luke's presence, he always did and he couldn't figure other out why. He didn't think he could bear to spend another night alone.

"Don't go Luke." Calum whispered, looking down at the ground. "Please, I don't want to be alone." 

Calum's voice was trembling with nerves, he kept his gaze fixated at his feet because he didn't want to look into Luke's eyes and feel judged or hated. 

He was so sure, Luke would find him weird or not reciprocate whatever feelings he had for the boy so he was shocked when he felt soft hands on his cheeks, lifting hid head up. Calum gulped heavily and finally looked into Luke's eyes. Really studying them this time. 

There were no walls or lies, everything had been set out on the floor for Calum to spend his time looking at. That's one thing Luke had always made Calum feel; reassured. The younger boy never seemed to be lying or was judgemental, Calum was stupid to fear him. 

Slowly, Calum leaned into his touch and for the first time in a while he felt like he had someone on his side. Someone who cared for him, it felt like a breath of fresh air for the troubled boy.

"Okay, I won't leave. I promise." Luke sounded so sincere and gentle, his voice the bandage for the wounds on Calum's heart. The older boy slowly let go off Luke's hands and let the blond go to shut the door and switch off the lights in the room. 

"Is everything locked?" He asked softly.

"I don't know." Calum admitted.

"Let me go check, yeah? I won't be long."

Calum nodded and watched the pale boy walk away. He turned to his wardrobe and pulled on some joggers before putting on an old t-shirt. Calum pulled out a pair for Luke and then a jumper, not knowing what the boy was comfortable with. 

He sat at the edge of his bed, surrounded by the darkness as he waited for Luke to come back.


	16. Chapter 16

"Calum? Can I ask you something?" 

Luke was hidden in the dark, Calum feared his question. He wanted to look into his baby blue eyes and know what he was feeling, he needed to know that Luke wouldn't leave. 

"Yeah." He whispered, "But.."

Luke heard the hesitance in his voice. "But what Calum? What's wrong?"

"What if I don't want to answer?" He asked quietly and Luke softened. "That's fine. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." The Kiwi nodded, forgetting that Luke couldn't see him. 

"Is that okay?" Luke asked and Calum cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"I want to know whatever you're willing to tell me about Michael." He said.

Calum was startled, Luke wanted him to talk about Michael? That sounded so hard. What would he say? 

Calum had a million things to tell Luke, like how Michael used to be the biggest computer game nerd or how they both used to get tattoos together after school because they knew a friend that could get it done despite being under age. He could tell Luke how Michael's eyes were the first pair of green eyes Calum had seen in his entire life and how they were still the most beautiful thing ever. Calum could tell Luke a lot.

But he didn't know if he wanted to. So he started with something else.

"When we bought this house we made sure it was big. We wanted a family." He confessed. "I wanted a little girl, I don't know what Michael wanted. He didn't care. Michael insisted the first baby to be mine and then his, if that didn't work then we were going to adopt."

"Oh." The blond's voice was emotionless.

He spoke into the darkness, "Do you still want a family?"

Calum nodded eagerly, not able to stop himself. "Yeah, with all my heart."

It was quiet in the room, Calum could hear Luke sigh. Calum wondered what was wrong. 

The younger boys voice was sudden, "Me too."

It startled Calum, he didn't expect it. Well to be fair, Calum didn't really know Luke. Didn't know his hopes, dreams, aspirations; none of it. 

But he wanted to. 

Luke had appeared all of a sudden, slowly entering Calum's life. Both were hesitant in making progress but what they had was fine too. Despite hardly knowing each other, Luke was there for Calum. During possibly, the roughest time of Calum's life.

Luke was special. He was rare. It was so hard to find gems like the blond, it was even harder to not change.

Michael had changed. 

Luke deserved the best. Calum really wanted him to be happy. 

"You want kids?" Calum finally managed to ask and he was sure the blue eyed boy had a small smile on his face whilst nodding shyly. Calum had spent many days with Luke now, he knew all of his little habits and traits.

"Yeah, I've always wanted them."

"Why?" Calum found himself asking. He was sick and tired of not being able to see Luke, Calum wanted to be able to allow his eyes to roam Luke's face. So he stood up and tugged the curtains, letting the moonlight leak in. The light from his lamps would be too harsh, Calum just wanted to admire a bit of his beauty. 

The Maori boy turned around to see Luke's slightly widened eyes, they looked almost clear in the light. So light, that it looked like white glass. Calum was mesmerised. 

"What's wrong Luke? Do you want me to close it?" He asked worried but the other boy shook his head.

Luke was looking down at his lap- where his fingers were fiddling with one another, Calum thought it was because the sudden light was just intense for him.

"I have two older brothers and I never really get to spend much time with them anymore. My mum and I are really close, and I love her so much for being there for me. She's just really strong and I know how hard it was for her when her two other children left. We used to be a loving family but they don't visit anymore. I hate how it's broken." 

Calum frowned at what he had heard, Luke's words were laced with sadness. He wondered whether the way Luke sat was because of something else.

"Growing up, my brothers and I were close. I'm the youngest so they were always protective over me. When I realised I was gay, I was scared but happy because I finally felt like I found myself, you know? I told my mum first and she wasn't shocked, she didn't seem to care she just hugged me and told me that as long as I was happy then she was too." Luke laughed quietly to himself, head still down. 

Calum couldn't see the tears trailing down his cheeks or the way Luke bit his lips to stop himself from crying. 

"But when I told my brothers, they thought I was pranking them and when they realised I wasn't joking they got mad. They said I was being stupid, I couldn't be a f-fag."

Calum winced at the word, he knew Luke wasn't okay. He stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. 

"They didn't believe me and they called for mum and they were so angry when they found out she already knew. They left, that weekend. They said they didn't want a fag for a brother and if mum supported it, then they didn't want to stay. I broke our family that day, mum said it wasn't my fault. I can't control who or what I love but it is my fault." Luke was silently crying as he spoke, his cheeks damp.

"I never want my children to be like that. I want them to be happy and love each other and everyone. I want to make my mum happy and I never want to be lonely again." Luke said, "I don't want to feel how I did that day. I want my own family so I'll always have someone to love and someone to love me. I can't be alone like that again."

The boy on the bed finally broke down and it was like something snapped inside of Calum because he sat down beside Luke and held him close, letting him cry into his chest.

"Don't cry Luke, it's okay now." Calum tried to soothe him by rubbing his back and holding him close and soon Luke's cries dulled down.

Calum still held him tightly and the blond hiccuped quietly. "Thank you Cal." He mumbled and Calum had a small smile on his face. 

"It's okay Luke." He said, "Wanna know something?"

The blue eyed boy nodded slowly. He looked up to look at Calum making him smile a bit more wider. 

"I think you're gonna be an awesome Dad one day."


	17. Chapter 17

Calum had been cooped up at home for the last month, Luke was missing him. Both boys weren't at their best. 

Calum was still grieving for Michael, spending his days drinking, sleeping or crying. He hadn't showered for days and he had bags under his eyes, even though he slept. He was exhausted. 

Luke kept watch on the house across him, he needed to know how Calum was doing. He missed him so much, the crush he had on the brown eyed boy hadn't gone and Luke hated it. Him and Calum were just friends. He had seen the way Calum's eyes twinkled when he talked about Michael: Luke had heard the tone of his voice change. 

And Luke cried into his pillow wishing it was him. He didn't know why it affected him so much: he shouldn't be letting a boy have so much control over him. 

Calum deserved better and Luke hated how he thought he was the reason Michael had left, Luke just wanted to kiss him hard and hold him tight and tell him everything perfect about himself. 

Calum didn't see himself the way Luke did. And Luke really wished he could. 

Calum was an angel, he had this contagious laugh that Luke hadn't heard for a while. When he smiled, he eyes and lips creased around the corners and his nose would slightly flare out. His dark curls were beautiful, probably one of the first things that Luke had been attracted to. 

The Maori was the epitome of a saint, he cared so much about others wellbeing that he struggled for his own.

Luke really liked Calum but he couldn't do anything about it because he knew the older boy was still wrapped up in Michael's love. The blue eyed boy wanted to hate Michael, even though they never met, he told himself that Michael was a bad person.

But Calum's old lover had made him smile a thousand times before and had seemingly helped him through his tough times and anyway, Luke was never one to judge based on what he heard. 

The blond boy hadn't noticed that Ashton was stood at the foot of his bed until he spoke. 

"Lukey? What's wrong?"

The younger boy sat up, legs crossed and head down. "I-I really like him Ash." 

This was the first time Luke had willing spoke about his feelings to anyone ever since his last boyfriend. And Ashton was momentarily surprised, he kind of suspected that his best friend had feelings for their neighbour but hearing Luke say it in words was definitely shocking. 

***

The sky was as black as ink, so thick that not a single star was in sight. The dark haired boy was sat on a bench, it being slightly damp due to the cold air and dew. This side of the park was empty; it was dark. No streetlights or pretty flowers planted, just muddy paths and a few benches scattered around. 

A good place for Calum to think.

He had been here all day; his mind working in circles. The brown eyed boy had thought a lot all day and now he was just clueless. 

He wondered what Michael was doing now and he thought back to the day he came home. Calum kinda wished that Michael could have pretended for him. Calum would've easily acted the fool for his green eyed boyfriend.

Calum had lost his family at a young age, losing nearly every piece of his heart and then he found Michael. The boy had spent his time finding and building new parts to bind Calum's heart together and make him whole. Calum left those pieces in Michael's hands because he was delusional, he was so hung up on the idea of forever. He should've known that the world wouldn't be on your side because now Michael hadn't just left with the pieces he had built; the old ones that had been Calum's life support had grown fond of the care Michael gave because they had left too. 

Calum was left broken on the inside and bruised on the outside. He just wanted to be loved. But he was so scared.

Maybe he should take a break and focus on himself but the thought didn't appeal to the Maori.

His heart ached, just wanting him to forget the green eyed boy. To move on and try to be happy but his mind was holding back, pulling on the leash it had wrapped around him and trapping him in his own pain. He wanted to scream and cry and tell the world that he wasn't weak.

No one would listen to him except Luke; but lately Calum didn't trust his brain.

Fuck, he was so confused. He just wanted to forget everything without hurting himself anymore. Calum wasn't as strong as he thought himself to be and he was just realising that now.


	18. Chapter 18

Calum hadn't seen Luke in ages, he missed the younger boy but he was too sad to do anything. Calum just wouldn't burden the boy anymore; so he did something he wasn't supposed to do- at least for a few more months. 

He went back to work.

Dressed in a black shirt and some black trousers, he walked back in smiling at familiar faces. Of course he wasn't supposed to be back so soon but they wouldn't say no to him. Calum was a great worker and he was kind and friendly with everyone.

He sat back in his chair and sighed loudly, looking around his office. This was such a good distraction.  
It was nice to have people to talk to and sit with for lunch, even if he wasn't doing much talking he still felt included.

Calum worked hard into the night, being the last few still here. He let out a huge breath, undoing his top button and leaning back into his seat. He glanced up at the clock noticing the time before looking through the glass door of his office. The place was nearly empty and Calum felt it was a good time to head home.

He got up and stretched his legs before grabbing his back and keys and walked out.

It was raining out, the drops light and refreshing to Calum's worked up body. He ruffled his hair and sat in his car, unrolling the windows and taking some time to calm down. The moon wasn't visible tonight; grey clouds in some parts of the sky and Calum didn't really feel anything. 

As he sat in his car, with the radio humming lightly and the slight splatters of rain on his arms and the soft pattering of the drops. Calum felt at peace. His mind wasn't overworked or numb it just felt empty, it let him breathe. He wasn't lost in the scribbles, tied down to chains- no. Calum just felt free.

The drive home was nice, Calum almost laughed at how normal he felt. The pain would come again soon, Calum was never one to deal with pain well, but he wasn't going to think about that now.

He took the long way home, really benefitting from the drive but when he came into his street he frowned. On the other side of the road, on his neighbours porch, sat a lonely body.

Calum already knew who it was. 

The person hadn't noticed Calum yet so he quickly parked his car, closing the door and locking it with a push of a button. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his trousers, not knowing what to do. Fuck it, Calum walked over to him. 

He stood awkwardly in front of him before coughing and making himself known. "Luke?"

The blond boy turned around, his eyes looked tired and he looked surprised when he saw Calum. He nearly fell off the railing which he was sat on, swinging his long legs ungracefully. Calum chuckled and held his waist, pulling him in just in time. Luke blushed heavily and Calum stepped back, letting him hop off.

"Hi." Luke mumbled, still taking in the Kiwi's appearance. He hadn't seen Calum in weeks. 

"Hi, what are you doing out here?" Calum asked with a small smile. Luke felt better already. 

"Was just thinking." He said, looking Calum up and down. 

"What about you?"

"I just came home from work."

Luke sat up. "Really?" There was a proud smile on his face and Calum couldn't help but smile back. "Yeah. It's been a while but things were good."

The younger fiddled with his fingers awkwardly, "How do you feel now?"

Calum leaned against the railing, looking away from Luke. He knew his blue eyes were watching him. "I don't know." He breathed, "I'm just getting through each day."

Luke nodded, both shared a look before Calum stood up, "I should be going. Night Luke."

The blue eyed boy gave Calum a small smile that made him smile a bit more too. "Night Cal."

***

Walking back into the house was scary, it was fucking stupid how Calum felt but he couldn't do anything about it. A huge wave of sadness flooded his body and his dark eyes watered but Calum forced himself to stay strong. He was doing so good.

The dark haired boy got dressed into something more comfortable and skipped dinner; he wasn't too hungry. Quickly he got ready for bed, taking a small stroll around his empty home. 

It used to be so full of life, even if it was just him and Michael. Everyday, he'd come back to his favourite place and his favourite person. He had somewhere to call home. 

But now he was left all alone in this huge building that felt strange to him, he walked into his own hell and let its poison contaminate his thoughts.

Calum was left wallowing in his own sadness and doubts; he couldn't possibly love anymore. 

But it was easier this way, pretending to be okay. Putting on a show to not worry anyone else; Calum could live with his own demons. 

So when he slipped into the cold sheets, he spent those few hours, hidden away from the world, crying and letting himself break apart. He let himself mourn for his love and the dead muscle in his chest.

After all, when the sun comes back up, he'd piece himself back together and carry on living this facade.


	19. Chapter 19

Ashton had come knocking on Calum's door, insisting that Calum join him and Luke for their weekly 'bro night', Calum didn't have the heart to tell his cheery neighbour no.

So when it turned six, he found himself stood outside of their house. In grey sweats, vans, a t-shirt and one of his old leather jackets. His curls were just pushed up and his teeth freshly brushed. 

The door opened to reveal a familiar pair of hazel eyes and Calum didn't even have enough time to speak because the boy had pulled him in for a hug. 

"Hi Calum, this is gonna be great! Luke's waiting for you."

The brown eyed boy nodded and slipped out of his vans, he walked down the hallway, remembering where the main room was and when he entered, he was met with the sight of Luke.

The boy was sat on the couch, clad in sweatpants like Calum's own and a loose white t-shirt. His blond hair was messily styled but Calum thought he looked amazing. Luke's lips were pursued as his eyes were focused on the TV, Calum glanced to see that he was sorting out settings on Mario Kart. 

He chuckled to himself catching the attention of the younger, Luke blushed when he spotted Calum. 

"Hi Cal, I'm glad you're here." The Kiwi nodded and took a seat beside Luke. "Thank you guys for having me."

Ashton's voice could be heard from the kitchen and Calum decided to go and see and if he needed help. The older boy was giggling and smiling non stop and Calum couldn't help but shake his head as he smiled. He was so happy all the time- it almost made Calum feel good.

"Need any help, Ashton?" Calum asked. He grabbed some of the drinks on the counter and Ashton looked up. "Thanks mate, oh and call me Ash. That's what my friends call me."

Calum nodded and then realised what Aston had said, he looked up and saw his twinkling hazel eyes as he broke into a broad grin. "C'mon." 

The two walked back to see that Luke had turned off the lamps; leaving the place only illuminated with the light from the TV. There were pillows and blankets on the ground and a lot of different games scattered on the table. Right amidst of it all- surrounded by big pillows -was Luke. 

Calum smiled when seeing him; the blue eyed boy was sat cross legged on the ground with a blanket around his shoulder. His hair was now sticking up in random directions and Calum thought he looked adorable. 

He broke out of his thoughts when he heard Ashton's laughter, "Lu it looks great!"

The younger blushed and nodded, "I know."

Ashton joined him, scrawled all over the floor and Calum put down the drinks. He tugged off his jacket, Ashton telling him to leave it wherever and join them. 

He didn't really know where to sit, so Calum sat down a few spaces from Luke. He leaned against the couch and set his legs out right in front of him. 

"Let's get this shit started!" Ashton cheered making the other two laugh. 

***

Calum really did enjoy this. They had been playing for hours; Ashton and Calum teaming up and going against Luke. The blond whined and pouted, complaining that it wasn't fair but the other two boys only laughed.

"Why do you get to be in Calum's team?" He complained making Ashton groan and Calum chuckle. 

"Sorry dude." Calum warned before controlling his remote and began shooting at Ashton's avatar. The hazel eyed boy screamed out and began attacking but soon Luke had advanced and helped Calum take him out. 

Calum had a huge smile the whole time. Luke giggled when Calum helped him out and when they took out the older boy he cheered and leaned over wanting to high five Calum.

Ashton groaned, placing his controller down and noticing the moment between his best friend and his neighbour. He had hoped for something for a while and he was glad he had gone against Luke's words and invited him over.

"Thanks Calum." Luke said, the smile never leaving his face and Calum was sure he looked the same. 

"It's my pleasure Luke, Ash was getting a bit annoying anyway."

"Hey, I heard that!"

With a grin playing on his lips, Calum shrugged.

The hours had gone by and Calum hadn't even noticed. He felt like himself for once, he couldn't be happier. 

"Hey guys, are you okay with pizza?"

Calum nodded to Ashton's question and Luke looked up tiredly from where he lay on the ground, "Can you get me ice cream too?"

"Course Lu."

The blond smiled sleepily and lay his head back down on the pillow. His body covered by blankets and pillows; Calum wanted to take a picture and claim it as a work of blue art.

"You tired?" He asked and Luke nodded, his blue eyes flitting up to look at Calum. 

"Thanks for coming over Cal, really, it was so much fun." 

The brown eyed boy nodded and shuffled to sit closer to Luke. "You shouldn't sleep now, the food is on its way."

Luke hummed and sat up, his body still covered with a fluffy grey blanket. He sat close to Calum, their knees touching and Luke shyly leaned his head into Calum's shoulder, taking the older boy by surprise but he didn't seem to mind. 

Calum looked down at him with a smile, noticing how close they were and Luke bit his pink lips so softly. 

But Calum pushed the thoughts away. He didn't want to do that to either of them just yet, so instead, he wrapped his arm around Luke. Pulling the smaller boy in and keeping him close. 

The warmth and comfort from Luke was contagious and Calum found himself yawning. Luke giggled again making Calum's heart speed up and he looked down at the boy, "What?"

Luke spoke up. "Maybe we both need a bit of sleep, it's okay Ashton can wake us up when it's time to eat."

Calum chuckled, "I think you're right."

Luke pulled him down, and kept some distance between the two but Calum knew he didn't want that. "Where are you going? I'm cold." 

The blush on Luke's cheek wasn't hard to miss and Calum chuckled. He opened his arms up and let the younger boy fall into them. His arms wrapped around Luke's waist and then rested his head on top of Luke; the blue eyed boy hid his face in Calum's chest. He had the biggest smile on his lips.

Gosh, he really, really liked Calum.


	20. Chapter 20

After eating, Luke was too tired to play another round so Calum and Ashton were the only ones playing. Luke decided to watch. The blond, like before, was huddled in his blanket- head peeking up from the top. His baby blue eyes were focused on the screen, watching his friend's avatars play. Luke secretly hoped that Calum would win and not boost Ashton's already huge ego anymore by losing.

It was quite late at night, when Ashton finally fell asleep. The three had put on a movie and Ashton had fallen asleep on the couch; light snores escaping from his mouth.

Luke was still up and so was Calum, both boys were watching the film but not really paying any interest anymore. Ashton had chosen the film and now that he was asleep, they didn't want to watch anymore. Ashton's snores were annoying Luke and he groaned, throwing a pillow at his older best friend.

The Maori boy on the floor chuckled as he turned to watch Luke. The blond was on his knees, beside Ashton and trying to push his body to roll forward and face the other way.

"He's so annoying." Luke muttered making Calum shake his head fondly.

Once Luke had succeeded, he looked back at Calum. A happy grin on his face. Ashton's snores were still heard but they were significantly quiet. Luke stretched out on the floor, blue eyes fluttering shut as he licked his lips. Calum watched the pretty boy.

"Not tired. "Luke mumbled. He opened one eye to watch Calum. "Are you?"

The dark haired boy sat up and shook his head lightly, "I wouldn't say so."

The grin on Luke's lips was radiant as he stood up nearly tripping over some pillows. A small pink blush graced his cheeks as he approached Calum and took his hands, pulling him up. He began leading them out of the room.

"Where are we going?" Calum asked with a racing heart and furrowed brows.

"We have a balcony."

Calum followed the blond upstairs and into a dark room. He couldn't see much but then Luke pulled some curtains and revealed a balcony. There were a few plant pots outside and the moonlight made the scene look magical.

Luke's eyes shone in the light.

"Pretty, isn't it?"

Calum only nodded. Luke opened the door and stepped out, the breeze making his hair fly and Calum felt the sudden temperature change as the air entered the room. "Come outside."

As beautiful as it was, Calum couldn't go out. He was scared of heights.

The Maori shook his head hesitantly and took a step back. The light in Luke's eyes dimmed and he frowned, "Why? Do you not want to be here? I'm sorry."

He looked down at his bare feet, blond hair hanging low. Calum felt so bad, he saw Luke bite his lip and look away. He didn't want to upset Luke. So he swallowed all his fear; took a huge breath and took shaky steps outside.

"L-Luke." He called out. Calum clenched his eyes shut and willed himself to man up, "Don't be sorry. I was just being silly."

He opened his brown eyes but kept them focused on his trembling fingers. It was awfully quiet outside and Calum wished that Luke's soft voice would fill the air so he had something else to focus on; instead of the knocking in his knees and his heart that was running on a 100 miles per hour.

The small muscle was hammering in his chest and Calum nipped at his lip. He sensed the movement around him and felt warm arms wrap around him. Calum stood frozen in place

"Are you scared of heights?"

Luke's voice was quiet and warm, his breath ghosting over Calum's ears and the boy could only nod. "Oh Calum."

"We can go back inside, I don't mind. Come on."

Luke pulled back but Calum gripped onto his hands, stopping him. "Can we stay here for a bit?" He asked. "I- I don't wanna go inside just yet."

Luke nodded and Calum gave him a small smile. The older still held onto Luke's hand and pulled him closer so their shoulders touched. It was quiet outside and the younger boy smiled to himself. "Cal, why don't you look up? It's not scary at all, I promise. It's pretty."

Luke pulled his hand out of Calum's and stood in front of him, "Look at me Cal."

Slowly, Calum looked up. His pupils dilated in fear making Luke's brows furrow. Nevertheless, the blond put on a smile. They weren't aware of how close they stood near each other. Right now, they were working on Calum.

"Keep looking at me." Luke spoke.

That was easy for the boy. Luke's eyes looked crystallised and his lips looked insanely pink against his pale skin. Calum found it hard to force his eyes not to look to long at Luke's soft lips.

Calum hadn't realised that the blond had taken both his hands and was taking small steps back, taking them further out. "Luke?" He whispered making the blue eyed boy smile. "You're okay. You're doing great Cal, look."

Calum's eyes widened slightly and Luke nodded encouragingly. He looked around, heart still beating fast but it felt better now that Luke was here. His brown eyes studied the area around him, slightly fearing for when Luke had to move away so he could see straight ahead.

"I'm gonna stand beside you Cal, let you look at the things ahead."

Luke's voice got lost in the jumble of mess in Calum's mind so when the blond stepped aside, Calum pulled on his hand. Luke was talking to him, but Calum wasn't listening. He didn't want to look forward.

The brown eyed boy felt hands rub at his back and encircle his waist, "Relax Calum. Just take a deep breath and look."

Calum nodded, trying to listen to Luke's words. He looked over his shoulder, trying to calm himself whilst looking into Luke's eyes and the blond smiled widely. 

"You okay?" He asked and Calum let himself nod. He didn't feel as bad now.


	21. Chapter 21

"Will you look out for me?" Luke asked softly, Calum nodded more firmly. "Okay."

Seeing the way Luke's lips stretched into a smile was worth it, Calum thought. 

He let his dark eyes wonder in front of him, Luke slipped his hands into Calum's making the Maori smile and feel instantly better. It was quiet as Luke let Calum admire the view. "It is pretty." The older said quietly.

Luke nodded, looking back out and his heart fluttered when Calum spoke. "Thank you Luke, for helping me."

"You don't have to thank me." He replied quietly but Calum shook his head in disagreement. "I do and anyway, I want to."

Luke looked at Calum, blue eyes studying his empty face.

"Cal?"

The boy hummed, not meeting Luke's gaze. 

"You should be proud of yourself, you know? You're really fucking strong."

Calum looked at Luke, this was the first time he had heard the boy curse. "I'm not really-"

"Yes you are. "Luke argued. He bit his pink lips softly before speaking. "I'm not just talking about this. I'm talking about Michael."

Calum winced at the mention of his ex and Luke noticed, a sad smile on his face. "You should be proud of yourself. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling but here you are. I know it's hard to not start hating yourself and the world around you. I don't want you to do that. You deserve so much more Calum, so much better. And I don't want you to ruin yourself and start believing that you don't deserve to be loved because god, you do."

Calum stood there stunned, Luke wasn't meeting his gaze now and Calum wanted to look into his eyes. He was confused and wanted to look into the eyes that had helped him out before.

"Luke?"

The blond looked down, sniffing quietly and Calum realised that he was crying. 

"Luke?" He tried again, "Don't cry."

Finally, the sad boy peered up. Cheeks stained with tears and blue eyes glassy. Calum never wanted to see Luke cry, he didn't like the thought of the boy being sad. But he couldn't help think that he looked beautiful still.

Calum stepped forward and reach out to softly run a hand through Luke's hair. The blond fell into his chest sobbing lightly and Calum wrapped one arm around his waist. As he held Luke to his side, he looked out at the distance sighing. "Why are you crying?"

The blond hiccuped quietly, "I'm just a bit sad, it doesn't matter I'll be okay soon." Calum nodded and held the boy close.

"If I remember correctly, I'm the one who was cheated on by their boyfriend, not you. Does that make me bad for not crying? I hope not." Calum's voice was soft as he attempted to make Luke laugh and he was successful because a small giggle had escaped his lips.

"Yeah you're right."

It was quiet as the two stood outside, holding each other close and Luke broke the silence.

"Thanks Calum." The Maori nodded, humming quietly. 

Luke looked up at him, admiring his soft looking skin and brown eyes that were focused on the world around them. Calum was so beautiful, it hurt.

"What are you looking at?" The older boy hummed, looking down; Luke blushed.

He didn't say anything as Calum watched him. Luke watched his dark brown eyes study him and he gulped, cheeks still a light pink. Calum's eyes trailed Luke's skin, admiring his eyes and the curve in his cheeks from his dimples. Calum couldn't hold back from letting his gaze linger on Luke's lips and he was pulled out of his thoughts when Luke called out his name.

Both boys looked each other in the eye; the same emotion found in their gaze. Luke bit his lip nervously, heart yearning for a kiss but also aching from pain. Calum had just come out of a relationship; this wouldn't mean anything to him. 

The Maori boy found himself leaning in closer, his breath fanning onto Luke's skin. Calum's dark eyes narrowed onto the way Luke bit his pink lips. He had to stop himself and question whether this was for lust or love and he was certain it was the latter when he looked into Luke's bright, blue eyes.

Their noses grazed in an Eskimo kiss, Calum watching Luke's every move, His heart beat had increased from their close distance and the hold Calum had on Luke's waist slightly weakened as he turned the boy and pulled him closer with both hands.

The wind blew his pretty blond hair and Calum had to push back the loose strands so he could see clearly into his eyes. They were such an intense blue in the morning and now they were so light and clear like glass. 

Calum drowned in them throughout the day, letting Luke's magic take over him and keep him trapped; spiralling in his affection. But now, Calum could see how delicate the boy in front of him was. One wrong word or action and he'd come shattering apart. Just like glass.

Calum couldn't break him.

But he also didn't stop himself from leaning in and capturing Luke's lips with his own. They were so soft; the touch so perfect and Calum found himself melting into the kiss just as easily as Luke.

Their lips moved softly against each other, Calum reaching up to cup his cheeks, it was magical. Their exchange of love and trust was what Calum had been wanting all this time. 

Luke pulled away, eyes looking down low as he breathed out, Calum kept him close. It took Luke some time to gather his courage and look up at Calum and he gave the older a shy smile.

Calum couldn't help but kiss him again.


	22. Chapter 22

Calum had been avoiding Luke for days. He'd wake up and leave the house to go work as soon as he could and if he was worried that he'd bump into the blond; Calum would hide and leave his home in the late hours of the night for essentials instead. 

Calum knew Luke had guessed the situation already and Calum really hated himself for it. 

That night, on the balcony, had been the best night Calum had in a while. It was nearly three months of Michael and him officially breaking things up but Calum knew their relationship had been broken for longer than that. 

The dark haired boy had been hit harder than expected, he had been empty inside for a while. Luke had managed to pull out his feelings and emotions that night and really, anytime they spoke but without him, Calum was lost.

The older boy wasn't capable or in control of his emotions and he couldn't keep leading Luke on. It wasn't that Calum didn't like him- he really did. 

But Calum was scared that he wouldn't be able to show Luke his feelings. Luke deserved everything and even more than that and Calum wouldn't be able to give him that. Calum couldn't love Luke right. He couldn't trust his broken heart to love someone, it would hurt too much. 

So Calum wouldn't love Luke at all.

He stayed hidden in his empty house; Calum saw the looks Ashton gave to his home. It was like the hazel eyed boy knew Calum was stood behind the window- hidden behind the curtains.

He was mad, Calum could see his anger above him like a big grey cloud. And that only made the dark haired boy cower more inside the four walls of his home. 

Each passing day, the guilt surrounded Calum even more. Enclosing him in the tight space and driving him crazy, he was going mad. 

He had seen it himself; the delicate, fragile side of Luke. After all, Calum had willingly kissed him and now he had ran away and hid himself in a box. 

Calum was too scared to meet Luke, so he took his only other option and pulled out his phone sending Luke's angry best friend a message. 

Calum hoped he could fix things.

***

Luke hadn't spoken to Ashton in days; the hazel eyed boy was beyond mad. The blond was huddled up on the couch, wrapped up in blankets and had teary eyes. The old tears still glistening on his cheeks; Luke hadn't been like this since his last boyfriend. His only boyfriend. And Ashton didn't want Luke to feel like that ever again but now their dark eyed neighbour had ruined that. 

Ashton really hoped that things between the two would improve but that night something had happened and now the two were as close as strangers.

He couldn't take it anymore so when he checked his phone to see a message from the one and only Calum; Ashton couldn't stop himself from storming over, ringing the bell and punching the boy in the face.

The hazel eyed boy glared angrily at the Maori- eyebrows knitted together as he watched the boy clutch his jaw. 

"What the fuck happened?" He pushed his way into Calum's house, not caring that he had basically intruded. 

"I-," Calum fumbled over his words. "How's Luke?" He finally asked, Ashton wanted to punch him again.

"How do you think he is? He's crying all the god damn time, you hurt him. What did you say?" He questioned angrily. 

Calum gulped, lips frowning at the thought of the blond boy at home crying. Luke didn't deserve that. 

"I-I need to talk to him."

"You're fucking crazy, you're not going anywhere near Luke."

Calum's dark eyes widened, "Ashton please, I need to say sorry. I fucked up, I shouldn't have ignored him. I meant everything I-" The dark haired boy looked down at the ground, his voice quiet. "I didn't mean to hurt him, I never meant to do that."

"Well you're gonna fix it. I liked you Calum, you're a good guy. Fix it, whatever happened, make him happy again. Luke doesn't deserve that, not after what he's been through."

Calum nodded sadly, voice quiet as he spoke. "I know."

The older boys brows furrowed in confusion, "You know?"

The boy nodded grimly in response. "Yeah."

Ashton's gaze softened and he reached out for Calum. "If he told you then you're really important to him."

Calum's brown eyes looked up into the hazel forests of Ashton's. The older boy nodded slowly, his face visibly changed from earlier. He looked more solemn now. 

"I mean it." He urged. "Luke's not one to speak, he'll sit quietly and listen and maybe even contribute to a conversation from time to time but he never talks about himself. He's not like that. He's too shy, too quiet. The fact that he speaks to you Calum is something, you must have made a really good impression for him to fall for you like that."

Calum bit his lip, even Ashton knew. How long had Luke been feeling like this? Fuck, he had hurt Luke more than he thought. 

Ashton placed a firm hand on Calum's shoulder, catching his attention. 

"I would have kicked you out of both of our lives by now, with more than just a bruise, but Luke likes you Calum. He really does. I've seen the difference in him. His eyes light up and he talks to me. It's like the real Luke is out, the one that isn't afraid to show himself to the world. I want him to be like this, I don't want the old Luke back. He needs you Calum."

"I know. God, I know. And I- I want to be there too Ash, for him. But I can't, what if I hurt him? I can't love him the way I want to. I can't even look myself in the mirror."

Ashton stared at Calum in pity. 

"I don't want him to be loving me while I only give him half of what he deserves. I can't do that to him Ash, you've got to understand. I don't want to hurt him anymore."

His brown eyes were glassy; pupils dilated in pain and eyes huge for help. Calum needed to fix himself before reaching out to Luke. He couldn't be the reason that the newfound light in Luke's eyes dimmed. He wouldn't be able to deal with himself if he did.

Calum was left all alone, torn in two, as Ashton gave him a sad look and walked away.


	23. Chapter 23

The Maori boy was stood in the middle of the room; all his work ruined. Pages and pages of art, ripped to shreds and was now gathered at his feet. He was breaking apart; near enough becoming the ruined pieces of something that was once so beautiful.

He couldn't live with himself, couldn't stay here and be like this. 

Every time Calum had tried to resolve things, he just couldn't. Hours had been spent talking to himself, encouraging him to go meet the beautiful blond he had foolishly fallen for. 

What an idiot Calum was; allowing the pieces of his broken heart to clutter messily around a boy who was helping him grieve for an old lover.

His thick, black curls were frizzy and all over the place and his eyes sore from all the spilled tears. Ashton had visited him last week or so and Calum was still having a mental breakdown. It was dark out and Calum couldn't deal with all the brutal words spiralling in his brain. He wanted them to stop but he didn't know how.

Each second of the day was spent reminding himself how weak and pathetic he was; images of Luke's red rimmed eyes and soft pink lips against his own messed with him and then the cold, bitter truth that he had even failed Michael. Why else would Calum be here all alone?

Each minute of each night was spent hidden under the blankets, lying against the damp pillows or forcing himself to forget the world. Calum just needed to escape reality; even for a bit. He just wanted to be able to breathe again.

Guess love really was the loneliest place when you fall alone.

The dark haired boy had been stuck in this room for days on end, only crawling back into his cold bed when his body was beyond exhausted.

Calum was tired of the same, bleak cycle so he forced himself out of the room and down the stairs. He pulls on his vans and tiredly ran a hand through his knotty hair. He was going to see Luke.

***

Calum stood out in the cold, waiting for the door to open. His heart was at breaking point and somewhere deep down he knew that he had made himself worse: he had fed himself the poison and acted like he didn't know what had been hurting him.

His heart had been tied up and thrown around carelessly and now Calum had lugged it over to what he hoped would be his antidote.

When the door open, Calum deflated when seeing Ashton. The boy looked ready to attack but one look at Calum had stopped him.

"What are you doing here?"

Calum's throat clogged up, his eyes tearing up therefore blurring his vision and instead of answering he just cried. 

"I know you hate me but please, I just want to talk to him." Calum begged. 

Ashton studied the boy at his doorstep, he may have felt bad but Luke was his best friend. His brother. Ashton wasn't going to let him get hurt again.

"You can't just-"

"Calum?"

The Maori boy looked up, eyes wild as he looked behind Ashton to catch a glimpse of the boy he had been waiting for. 

Luke was stood a few steps back, blond hair messy and limp. He was dressed in a jumper that was too big for him and some plaid pyjama pants. His skin so pale and the bags under his eyes so dark, he looked like a ghost.

"Luke."

Calum pushed past Ashton and rushed over to the blond, pulling him close and holding him tight. The older boy was shaking from his sobs. Calum took deep breaths before pulling back and hastily wiping his tears to look Luke in the eyes. Both hands were on Luke's shoulders as he spoke, "Luke, I'm sorry. I swear I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Please don't push me away, I need to talk to you."

The younger boy looked at Calum in a trance, pink lips tugged behind his teeth to contain his sobs. Calum could see the sadness that lived in his pale eyes, he really hated himself. 

"Okay." He breathed out, "We can talk."

Calum couldn't believe his words but he didn't waste anytime latching onto Luke's hands, he didn't want to allow the younger any time to change his mind. 

Looking up, he spotted the way Ashton looked at the pair in pity. Calum was also glad the boy was letting him talk to Luke. 

Ashton went to close the door but Luke coughed catching his attention. "Cal and I are going to be outside." His voice was so quiet and timid and Calum winced. 

"Okay Lu, just call me if you need me." He said softly and Luke okay nodded before leading them outside.

Like previous days, the sky was grey. All the leaves on the trees were missing; littered on the hard pavement. The thin, spindly branches of the trees looked like skeletons and Calum shuddered at the thought. 

It was a cold day, the wind not as harsh as it could be and the two sat on the steps of the big house. Huddled in their clothes.

It was quiet outside, Luke's baby blue eyes studied the world around him and Calum's eyes were glued to the floor. All his words muddled together in a big heap in his head and his throat felt dry. 

The silence was nerve wracking and full of tension and Luke sighed. He sat up slightly and fiddled with his fingers; still not daring to look at the boy beside him. 

"What did you want to tell me, Cal?"

The older boy closed his eyes tight, relishing the soft, sweet voice of he boy. He imagined the way Luke's lips curved to say his name and focused on how he sounded so delicate. 

Calum never wanted to forget that.


	24. Chapter 24

Calum gulped heavily and turned to look Luke in the eyes. "That night, on the balcony. I meant everything. When I kissed you, I did it because I like you Luke, I really do. God, you've been in my head for ages and I can't seem to let you go."

The blond looked down, curls hiding his face away so Calum couldn't see the look of doubt in his eyes. 

"Luke look at me, you've got to believe me." Calum reached out to hold his hands and Luke backed away out of instinct. Calum's eyes only teared up more, his heart kept going through the same emotions. How much was too much pain?

"I understand if you don't-" Luke took a breath, sniffing quietly. "If it was a mistake and you don't like me, I get it. I'm not Michael and won't ever be him."

"What? No! Luke no, it's not that."

Calum got up and rushed to crouch down in front of Luke, demanding to see his broken blue eyes.

"I really like you Luke- I swear I do." Calum's words were rushed, desperately trying to make the younger boy believe him but Luke wasn't so sure. 

"So then w-why did you ignore me? What did I do? Did you not want to kiss me?" Luke's voice was small and shaky and Calum gulped hard. The guilt was coarsing through his veins. He had done that.

"I'm sorry." He said just as quiet. "I kissed you because I wanted to. It's not about Michael anymore, that night just made me realise how much I like you. But I- I can't be with you."

The younger raised his head, blue eyes furrowed in confusion. He bit his lips softly, a frown etched onto his features. "Why not?"

"You'll get hurt."

The frown remained on Luke's lips and Calum sighed, he rested his head in his hands and sighed quietly. Closing his eyes, he spoke, "I won't be able to love you right Luke, I can't do that to you. It's- it's not right. It's not fair, you deserve better."

Calum looked away from Luke's intrusive gaze, only to watch his tears splatter onto his shoes. "Calum what's wrong? Why do you think that, you're the only one I want."

Hearing Luke say the words hurt even more and he shook his head weakly. "You can't- you can't want me."

"I do." 

"You're an idiot." He sniffed.

"What, for falling for you?" Luke chuckled sadly, "Maybe. But you're a coward for not trying."

Calum gulped heavily, swallowing his sobs. Luke was right.

"Look at me."

Calum didn't listen. Luke's voice wavered as he spoke, he was trying to stay strong. "Look at me! Damn it, Calum, please!"

Within seconds, Luke was holding Calum's face in his hands- facing the older towards him. Luke studied his damp cheeks and clumped lashes."I want to hate you so bad. You hurt me even though you knew, I'm supposed to hate you for it."

The Maori laughed dryly, "Hate me then, go on, I don't care."

Calum spotted the faintest bit of pain in Luke's eyes before he watched the fire grow. His eyes may be the lightest shade of blue Calum had ever seen but the rage inside them was hot and intense.

"Fuck you!" He snapped, slightly catching Calum off guard. "You don't get to say that. I know you care, stop being a coward!"

Luke's voice raised with each word and Calum could only watch breathless as he carried on. "You're a liar Calum, you're too scared. Fucking pathetic." Luke glared at Calum intensely, cheeks red and eyes wild and before Calum could even process the words that had left the blond's mouth, Luke was kissing him.

His lips pushed against Calum, with so much passion and the Maori kissed back. Calum had to steady himself to not fall because Luke was kissing him so roughly trying to take the lead but Calum had Luke pressed against him within seconds. Luke's hair gripping into Calum's thick curls as their tongues clashed. 

Calum could feel the tears running down his own cheeks as he kissed Luke. They worked beautifully together; the same amount of love in Luke's body as Calum's was hate. Sure they both had broken pieces but Calum couldn't use Luke to fix his. The blond would snap under so much pressure.

The older boy ran a hand through Luke's hair and when he dropped his hand to hold Luke's face, he felt the dampness on his cheeks too.

They were both as fucked as one another.

The two pulled away, breathless. Calum's brown eyes looked at the pink flush on Luke's cheeks and his swollen red lips and he gulped heavily. Luke's eyes were back to their soft gaze and he looked at Calum shyly. 

"Why can't you just try to love me?" He asked in a quiet voice. Tears brimming yet again and Calum couldn't stop himself from pulling Luke onto his lap and holding him close. He cradled the small boy to his chest and kissed his forehead lightly. 

The blue eyed boy sobbed quietly into Calum's chest, hands gripping onto his jumper and Calum just looked out at the distance in a daze. He stroked his soft blond locks, remembering the way they felt under his fingers. 

He also remembered the way Luke's body curved into his, fitting just like a puzzle; the slight scent of vanilla that always surrounded him; deep blue eyes that always seemed to trap Calum in their gaze and last but absolutely not least, the sweet taste of his lips when they kissed. 

With the pretty boy in his arms, Calum thought long and hard on how to explain to him just why the pair couldn't be together.

Why Calum couldn't love him.


	25. Chapter 25

It was so early that the sky seemed to be a scorching red colour- melting into burning hot ambers that mixed to make bright oranges. Calum spent his time looking at it; he decided it that it was much more beautiful than when the sun would appear. The raging colours reminded Calum of the fire in Luke's eyes the afternoon before.

He would never forget that. He smiled to himself softly; they sky would always remind him of Luke's eyes. Whether it be the anger he had only once seen within them or the soft blue hues that always captivated him.

Calum was a terrible person for doing this. But he needed to leave.

He had thought long and hard over it for the last few days.

The Maori had felt this kind of sadness only when his parents died and he was feeling it again. He never did recover from their death. 

When he bumped into Michael that day, he was swayed off his feet. Falling straight into Michael's life and neglecting his own. Calum had never given himself the space or time to grieve, grow and learn to love the world around him.

Instead, he focused on the green eyed boy who was a beautiful distraction to his depressing mind. Calum would never regret falling for him. Without Michael, Calum would've probably gone insane. 

Those years spent with Michael had been spent thinking he was okay and in love. But Calum had been too focused on watering Michael, watching him flourish under the sun so that he was forgotten about. Hidden in the shades and left to wither away.

But now that Michael had gone; leaving him in dark- Calum was lost. He hadn't been left alone like this without anyone's help and he didn't know what to do.

Luke had shown him slight parts of what it was like being free and Calum knew he was far from it. He was still strapped down to the dark parts of his mind; Calum needed to break free.

But Calum couldn't get help from anyone besides himself. 

It hurt him to admit how weak he was but now he wasn't left with so many questions dancing on his lips. Instead, Calum was left with heartbreak and understanding. 

Which was why he had to leave.

Calum's heart yearned for Luke, wanting to send him, hold him, kiss him. He wanted to show the sad boy affection like no other but Calum couldn't do that. 

Calum couldn't find a single ounce of emotion in his body that seemed to love himself and he felt his eyes water at that.

How could he love Luke when he held too much hatred in his body? It would be toxic.

Calum wouldn't be able to love him and spend time adoring him when he knew Luke would want to do that back. Luke wasn't like Michael, he wouldn't grow without Calum.

He'd wait and wait, trying desperately to unbind Calum from his roots and nurture him back to good health but Calum couldn't see that happening. Not with his dead heart and emotionless eyes. He'd only drag Luke down with him; get him caught up in all his mess and then the two would be left in a broken relationship which neither would be able to fix.

Calum wasn't going to ruin Luke. He was too beautiful; he held a special place in Calum's heart that he knew someday- when he gets better -would be called love. 

Calum wouldn't spend anymore time leaking his darkness into the pureness of Luke's heart. 

Luke was an already beautifully painted canvas; one side full of colour and the other pure white. Waiting for someone to fill up.

Whereas Calum's was tainted with the maroons and blacks of a ruined relationship; the other side a dreary grey that suffocated him and blinded his vision, making it harder for him to see right from wrong. He couldn't breathe in it.

Calum needed a fresh start.

That's how he found himself walking away from the window and towards his work. A new collage.

Calum hastily wiped his tears and wiped them onto his dark jeans. He sat down at his table, pulling out a pen and paper and he wrote. 

Everything he hadn't said to the blue eyed boy was being written down, explaining why he left, telling him not to worry, reassuring him that he'd be fine. 

Because Calum would, one day.

Words and words of cursive writing was sprawled onto the sheets of paper and Calum sniffed as he signed his name, finishing it off.

The brown eyed boy walked towards his new art and took it off the easel. Letter and art in one hand, bag and keys in another; Calum glanced around his broken home.

The next time he'd be seeing it, he'd make brand new memories. Happier ones; he promised himself. Calum was gonna stop living like a dead man.

He glanced at his watch, it was still early, perfect time to give Luke his things. So he walked over to the big house.

This was where he had kissed Luke, these were the steps where they had had their last conversation and inside was where Calum really got to see another side of Luke. A happier side. The way his features looked softer in front of the TV light hadn't left Calum's mind and he so desperately wanted to kiss the boy again. 

But there was no time, it was the wrong thing to do.

With a small sigh, he bent down and left Luke's things in the weird letterbox Luke said Ashton had bought. A fond smile settled on his lips at the memory of the two and Calum walked towards his car.

He packed his bags inside and got into the car, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans. The Maori took deep breaths as to calm himself down and he took one last glance at his home and then the one where his blond beauty was sleeping inside of.

Calum wasn't going to be gone forever and he hoped that when he came back, he'd find Luke and they'd be able to start all over again.


End file.
